Theologian Humorist Pillows

'You know, predestination would speed things up a little on judgement day.'

'Heretic!'

"They say it takes 10,000 hours to perfect something- I guess I was a bit hasty throwing that together in 144."

"The Lord works in mysterious ways, I mean, alpacas? What are they? It’s like Bob Seger mated with a llama."

"And on the eighth day, God sat back with a scotch and soda and waited for the critical reviews."

"It's cool – God told us to!"

"Candy wuld be nice onice in a while."

"This Adam and Eve thing -- Is there a warranty?"

'Tell us the story of Moses again -- I like the chase scene!'

'The Brothers of the Order of Saint Orson, patron saint of fried foods'

'It's not much of a soap opera with just that Adam guy.'

Giving Things Up For Lent.

Sermon Applause.

'This whole Noah's Ark business sounds like a quota system to me!'

"Pastor Bob is the leader of the flock, son, not the herd."

Religious Maintenance: 24 Hr Callout.

'Dad, if God rested on the seventh day, who milked the cows?'

Priest with the Pet Devil.

'Perhaps he's heard we're losing our churchwarden.'

Who says religion can't have a sense of humour.

The Pope getting a Popsicle for Popes from the Freezer

"The wages of sin are ... pretty damn attractive."

Holy Guacamole.

'To be honest I only became a vicar to get my children into the C of E school.'

'Kill all the Canaanites? -- Won't that set a bad precedent?'

Nun reading 'Halo' magazine

'Transistional Pope. Is that nice way of saying they hope he doesn't live too long?'

'Maybe you should see an attorney if it was over somebody's head you broke the tablets.'

"I may be a jackal-headed god of the underworld, Janet, but I'm also your lawyer."

'Great! So I'll run these by the focus groups and see how they go over.'

"It's obvious Jesus accepts everyone. His disciples were fishermen, and we know what kind of lies we tell."

"Hey, this is a good bit- did I say that?"