Theological Humor Lover Gifts

God's Profile.

"The Lord works in mysterious ways, I mean, alpacas? What are they? It’s like Bob Seger mated with a llama."

'Things have really livened up down there since You introduced SEXUAL reproduction.'

"And for my next trick. . . turning wine back into water."

'Do you think that's wise?'

"Um, I notice there's nothing in here about pork."

'The Lord spake to Moses? You mean voice mail?'

'I was hoping you'd sign them 'To my good buddy Moses!''

Fishing with God

"It's cool – God told us to!"

"Well, that certainly killed my buzz."

"What did you expect in the land of milk and honey?"

KING HEROD INTERROGATES THE WISE MEN TO KNOW BABY JESUS'S WHEREABOUTS

"This Adam and Eve thing -- Is there a warranty?"

The Beer Garden of Eden: "This hard cider is life-changing. Try a sip."

"We've been wandering in the desert for forty years. But he's a man—would he ever ask directions?"

Adam and Eve toast next to a serpent bartender.

'Agreed, 40 years is a long time to wander around, but think of the travel expenses.'

"Can you read the part about Job again?"

'It's not much of a soap opera with just that Adam guy.'

"But you can eat as much as you want from the tree of bullshit."

"I love it when your eyes blaze like that; you remind me of Moses."

"Will you stop telling me to feed the Zebras? We just ate the zebras!"

"Have your people call my people."

'Please take your receipt!'

'Psst, Noah - there's a rumour going round that the dodos are gay.'

'Those are a few jokes to loosen up the crowd first...how do you like 'em?'

When Holy Cows are sent out to "Pastor"

'What are you giving up for Lent this year?' - 'Anchovies.' - 'I thought you hated anchovies?' - 'I do. Care for a cookie instead?' - 'Lent is supposed to be about challenge and sacrifice!' - 'Play to win, Baby!'

"Wait a minute- these are just the ten commandments of perfect mashed potatoes."

'I'm not complaining or anything, but these are going to be really hard on our self-esteem!'

"Don't forget the screenplay."

'This stuff is all well and good son, but when are you going to get a proper job?'

Moses and the bridge.

The Vatican's undercover mission to Antarctica, and some endangered penguins.