Theological Humor Lover Gifts

God's Profile.

"And for my next trick. . . turning wine back into water."

'Things have really livened up down there since You introduced SEXUAL reproduction.'

"The Lord works in mysterious ways, I mean, alpacas? What are they? It’s like Bob Seger mated with a llama."

'Do you think that's wise?'

"Um, I notice there's nothing in here about pork."

'The Lord spake to Moses? You mean voice mail?'

'I was hoping you'd sign them 'To my good buddy Moses!''

Fishing with God

"It's cool – God told us to!"

"What did you expect in the land of milk and honey?"

"This Adam and Eve thing -- Is there a warranty?"

KING HEROD INTERROGATES THE WISE MEN TO KNOW BABY JESUS'S WHEREABOUTS

The Beer Garden of Eden: "This hard cider is life-changing. Try a sip."

"We've been wandering in the desert for forty years. But he's a man—would he ever ask directions?"

Adam and Eve toast next to a serpent bartender.

'Agreed, 40 years is a long time to wander around, but think of the travel expenses.'

'It's not much of a soap opera with just that Adam guy.'

"I love it when your eyes blaze like that; you remind me of Moses."

"Can you read the part about Job again?"

"Will you stop telling me to feed the Zebras? We just ate the zebras!"

"But you can eat as much as you want from the tree of bullshit."

"Have your people call my people."

'Please take your receipt!'

'Psst, Noah - there's a rumour going round that the dodos are gay.'

'What are you giving up for Lent this year?' - 'Anchovies.' - 'I thought you hated anchovies?' - 'I do. Care for a cookie instead?' - 'Lent is supposed to be about challenge and sacrifice!' - 'Play to win, Baby!'

Quick, follow that star

"Wait a minute- these are just the ten commandments of perfect mashed potatoes."

'This stuff is all well and good son, but when are you going to get a proper job?'

'I'm not complaining or anything, but these are going to be really hard on our self-esteem!'

'The best gig I can get you for your comeback, Lazarus, is DJ in the graveyard slot.'

"Jesus is talking again with the tax collectors. We must be close to the fiscal year end."

Moses and the bridge.