Comedy Theologian Gifts

'HE was right you know.'

"And to those of you who did contribute to the church fund—our blessings."

"The Lord works in mysterious ways, I mean, alpacas? What are they? It’s like Bob Seger mated with a llama."

"And on the eighth day, God sat back with a scotch and soda and waited for the critical reviews."

"It's cool – God told us to!"

"This Adam and Eve thing -- Is there a warranty?"

'Tell us the story of Moses again -- I like the chase scene!'

'It's not much of a soap opera with just that Adam guy.'

St. Elmo's fired.

'The Brothers of the Order of Saint Orson, patron saint of fried foods'

Sermon Applause.

'This whole Noah's Ark business sounds like a quota system to me!'

Garden of Eden and scrumping

'Dad, if God rested on the seventh day, who milked the cows?'

"Pastor Bob is the leader of the flock, son, not the herd."

Priest with the Pet Devil.

Religious Maintenance: 24 Hr Callout.

'Perhaps he's heard we're losing our churchwarden.'

Who says religion can't have a sense of humour.

The Pope getting a Popsicle for Popes from the Freezer

"The wages of sin are ... pretty damn attractive."

Holy Guacamole.

'Kill all the Canaanites? -- Won't that set a bad precedent?'

'To be honest I only became a vicar to get my children into the C of E school.'

'Now, where was I when the lectern collapsed?'

'Still no money, but a lot more IOU's than usual!'

Nun reading 'Halo' magazine

'Transistional Pope. Is that nice way of saying they hope he doesn't live too long?'

'Maybe you should see an attorney if it was over somebody's head you broke the tablets.'

'Great! So I'll run these by the focus groups and see how they go over.'

"Hey, this is a good bit- did I say that?"