Comedy Theologians Gifts

"Hey, this is a good bit- did I say that?"

"The Lord works in mysterious ways, I mean, alpacas? What are they? It’s like Bob Seger mated with a llama."

"It's cool – God told us to!"

St. Elmo's fired.

'It's not much of a soap opera with just that Adam guy.'

"Does the ark have wifi?"

Garden of Eden and scrumping

Priest with the Pet Devil.

"Thou Shalt not Covid thy Neighbor's Wife!"

'Kill all the Canaanites? -- Won't that set a bad precedent?'

'Now, where was I when the lectern collapsed?'

'Are you being served?'

'Transistional Pope. Is that nice way of saying they hope he doesn't live too long?'

'Great! So I'll run these by the focus groups and see how they go over.'

"It's obvious Jesus accepts everyone. His disciples were fishermen, and we know what kind of lies we tell."

"Oh, hi Pastor, I figured I didn't need to go to church - I ALREADY felt guilty."

'The Book of Revelation is full of spoilers.'

"Most of the apostles can make it but Thomas is doubtful"

Priest reads sign above fire extinguisher that says: 'In case of quenchable fire, break glass'.

"Pastor Hellfire is recovering well, since he passed his brimstone."

"And to those of you who did contribute to the church fund—our blessings."

'How did you EXPECT me to come back?'

'No offense, but some of these sound a little PREACHY.'

A waiter strictly adhering to his religion

Placed by the Gideons

Jesus Fish

Jesus was a republican because he rode into Jerusalem on a Democrat...

'They're not supposed to have any love interest!'

'I see they've discovered a gene for celibacy.'

'Okay. Where's the fire?'

Peter denies Jesus three times.

"Attendance is way up since they substituted fortune cookies for those funny little wafers."

Horror Movies in Hell.

Holy Cow.

'Heretic!'