Comic Theologian Gifts

Pea-headed Pope

'Okay. Where's the fire?'

'No offense, but some of these sound a little PREACHY.'

"The Lord works in mysterious ways, I mean, alpacas? What are they? It’s like Bob Seger mated with a llama."

"It's cool – God told us to!"

"I'm sorry, but you didn't recognize me as the Messiah when I had braces and glasses."

'It's not much of a soap opera with just that Adam guy.'

St. Elmo's fired.

Garden of Eden and scrumping

Priest with the Pet Devil.

"Thou Shalt not Covid thy Neighbor's Wife!"

'Now, where was I when the lectern collapsed?'

'Kill all the Canaanites? -- Won't that set a bad precedent?'

'You'll find loaves in the pantry and fishes in the freezer.'

'Great! So I'll run these by the focus groups and see how they go over.'

"It's obvious Jesus accepts everyone. His disciples were fishermen, and we know what kind of lies we tell."

"Hey, this is a good bit- did I say that?"

Always let you conscience be your guide. I let my conscience be my guide, but it's non-binding.

'The Book of Revelation is full of spoilers.'

Valuation of Heaven

"Pastor Hellfire is recovering well, since he passed his brimstone."

Priest reads sign above fire extinguisher that says: 'In case of quenchable fire, break glass'.

"Tell you what, Mark, when we write the gospels, better edit out that bit."

Jesus Fish

Adam and Eve and the coronavirus

Placed by the Gideons

"And to those of you who did contribute to the church fund—our blessings."

Peter denies Jesus three times.

Halo Theft

'Heretic!'

Express Confessional: Six Sins or Less

'And on the 8th day God held a sale'

Next stop bloomingdales

''Burnt offerings'? -- YUCK!'

'HE was right you know.'