Comic Theologian Pillows

Pea-headed Pope

'Okay. Where's the fire?'

'No offense, but some of these sound a little PREACHY.'

"The Lord works in mysterious ways, I mean, alpacas? What are they? It’s like Bob Seger mated with a llama."

"It's cool – God told us to!"

'It's not much of a soap opera with just that Adam guy.'

"I'm sorry, but you didn't recognize me as the Messiah when I had braces and glasses."

St. Elmo's fired.

Garden of Eden and scrumping

Priest with the Pet Devil.

'Now, where was I when the lectern collapsed?'

'Kill all the Canaanites? -- Won't that set a bad precedent?'

'You'll find loaves in the pantry and fishes in the freezer.'

'Great! So I'll run these by the focus groups and see how they go over.'

"It's obvious Jesus accepts everyone. His disciples were fishermen, and we know what kind of lies we tell."

"Hey, this is a good bit- did I say that?"

Valuation of Heaven

'The Book of Revelation is full of spoilers.'

Priest reads sign above fire extinguisher that says: 'In case of quenchable fire, break glass'.

"Tell you what, Mark, when we write the gospels, better edit out that bit."

"Pastor Hellfire is recovering well, since he passed his brimstone."

Adam and Eve and the coronavirus

"And to those of you who did contribute to the church fund—our blessings."

Jesus Fish

Halo Theft

'Heretic!'

''Burnt offerings'? -- YUCK!'

'And on the 8th day God held a sale'

Express Confessional: Six Sins or Less

Next stop bloomingdales

'HE was right you know.'

"I am an agent of Satan... however my duties are largely ceremonial."

"I don't mind making mistakes as long as no one else knows any better!"

'Ask Jesus to stop multiplying bread and fishes...it's the plates what we need now.'