Quirky Theologian Pillows

"If push comes to shove, I bet you could do some damage with the plowshare."

'You make 23,725 little mistakes, they never let you forget it.'

Adam and Eve toast next to a serpent bartender.

'Lord, we worship the water you walk on.'

"How come there's a forbidden fruit but not a forbidden vegetable?"

'Well, you heard wrong -- Zen Buddhism doesn't have a Missouri Synod.'

Beware of God.

'Create Adam before Eve -- He'll need some time to clean up around there a little first.'

"They say it takes 10,000 hours to perfect something- I guess I was a bit hasty throwing that together in 144."

Pigeon Little

'Dial 1-900-Fortune.'

'If, as you say, they're so evolved, why do they need to wear clothes to survive?'

Reverse psychology

"I'm sorry, but you didn't recognize me as the Messiah when I had braces and glasses."

'Eve wants a second opinion about the apples.'

Hot cross buns

"I must have pressed the wrong button."

"Let's see now: All dogs have four legs. I have four legs. Therefore, I am a dog."

"Remember that it is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the Kingdom of Heaven

Monk and Bible and Devil Page Marker

"Remember that ultimately we must answer to Chairs."

'A little squirt like Graubart would theorize that the Universe is contracting!'

'Lately, I've been thinking a lot about evolution. My theory is that it all points to 'survival of the fattest'.'

"Our father who art at www.heaven.com..."

'I hear he has a reputation as a loose Canon.'

Church Parking Space Reserved For Sinner Of The Week

'Kill all the Canaanites? -- Won't that set a bad precedent?'

'Don't Move!' - 'Why would I want to move? Lived here for 51 years, know all the neighbours, shops nearby, post office is closed but...'

"Now they're saying 80 is the new 70. So, when's the new dead?"

Pastor wearing sunglasses against the hymns.

The existentialist manifesto according to Jean-Paul Sinatra-'oooby Dooby Doo!'

'Hey, what's with all this 'God forbid' stuff?'

"It Works For Us."

"Great sermon! - When it comes to sin, you sure know what you're talking about!"

"It's chic to be vulnerable."