Theologian With A Twist Pillows

"I must have pressed the wrong button."

"We should start a church where we only read the parts of the bible that are never read in church."

Adam and Eve toast next to a serpent bartender.

'Eve wants a second opinion about the apples.'

Hot cross buns

'Well, you heard wrong -- Zen Buddhism doesn't have a Missouri Synod.'

'Kill all the Canaanites? -- Won't that set a bad precedent?'

Church Parking Space Reserved For Sinner Of The Week

'I hear he has a reputation as a loose Canon.'

'Hey, what's with all this 'God forbid' stuff?'

"Great sermon! - When it comes to sin, you sure know what you're talking about!"

"During Lent we must share with poor children what we have in abundance."

"It's obvious Jesus accepts everyone. His disciples were fishermen, and we know what kind of lies we tell."

"How come there's a forbidden fruit but not a forbidden vegetable?"

'Can I help you?'

"It's an apple pie, try it..."

"You call it 'faith in God' when your faith is really in the humans who interpret what other humans wrote. Which was edited, revised, and translated by other humans. And was originally based on stories other humans orally passed from one generation of humans to the next, about events yet other humans claimed to have witnessed thousands of years ago."

Garden of Eden: Director's Cut

"I'd like to make a supper reservation for 12 disciples + 1, and could you put us at a table big enough so we can all sit on one side."

Forgive me Father for I have sinned

'I sure wouldn't want to be MY brother's keeper!'

Jesus Fish

'I've been wrestling with my conscience, Pastor, but now it wants to make it two out of three falls.'

"Jesus was a champion of the poor. If he came back today, you would not be able to hear him over the sound of religious conservatives booing his liberal agenda."

Sex and Violence....Hell and Brimstone.

'Create Adam before Eve -- He'll need some time to clean up around there a little first.'

Fundamentalist sex ed: people come from ribs, as Adam and Eve.

"I'll have a pastrami on rye!"

"If push comes to shove, I bet you could do some damage with the plowshare."

'You make 23,725 little mistakes, they never let you forget it.'

The devil relaxing at home