Witty Theologian Pillows

Heaven's Garbage.

"The Lord works in mysterious ways, I mean, alpacas? What are they? It’s like Bob Seger mated with a llama."

At the 2021 Religious Games

"It's cool – God told us to!"

Adam and Eve toast next to a serpent bartender.

'It's not much of a soap opera with just that Adam guy.'

'Eve wants a second opinion about the apples.'

Hot cross buns

"I must have pressed the wrong button."

'I respond to stimuli, therefore I ham.'

Church Parking Space Reserved For Sinner Of The Week

'I hear he has a reputation as a loose Canon.'

'Kill all the Canaanites? -- Won't that set a bad precedent?'

'Well, you heard wrong -- Zen Buddhism doesn't have a Missouri Synod.'

'Hey, what's with all this 'God forbid' stuff?'

"Great sermon! - When it comes to sin, you sure know what you're talking about!"

"It's obvious Jesus accepts everyone. His disciples were fishermen, and we know what kind of lies we tell."

"It's an apple pie, try it..."

"How come there's a forbidden fruit but not a forbidden vegetable?"

Can we see our way clear to doing something about air pollution?

Jesus the comedian.

Exercise and diet at the same time - open and close your refrigerator door 100 times.

"And to those of you who did contribute to the church fund—our blessings."

Jesus Fish

'I sure wouldn't want to be MY brother's keeper!'

Forgive me Father for I have sinned

Garden of Eden: Director's Cut

The hardest instrument to play second fiddle.

"Do you realize that they pay our teacher to come to school every day and we do it for free?"

'Create Adam before Eve -- He'll need some time to clean up around there a little first.'

"Yeah, we thought about having kids, but we didn't want to give up our lifestyle."

"If push comes to shove, I bet you could do some damage with the plowshare."