Witty Theologian T-Shirts

Heaven's Garbage.

"The Lord works in mysterious ways, I mean, alpacas? What are they? It’s like Bob Seger mated with a llama."

"It's cool – God told us to!"

At the 2021 Religious Games

Adam and Eve toast next to a serpent bartender.

'Eve wants a second opinion about the apples.'

'It's not much of a soap opera with just that Adam guy.'

Hot cross buns

What Does God Know?

"I must have pressed the wrong button."

'I respond to stimuli, therefore I ham.'

"Thou Shalt not Covid thy Neighbor's Wife!"

Church Parking Space Reserved For Sinner Of The Week

'Well, you heard wrong -- Zen Buddhism doesn't have a Missouri Synod.'

'Kill all the Canaanites? -- Won't that set a bad precedent?'

'I hear he has a reputation as a loose Canon.'

John the Baptist was clothed in camels hair and eight locusts.

'Hey, what's with all this 'God forbid' stuff?'

"Great sermon! - When it comes to sin, you sure know what you're talking about!"

"It's obvious Jesus accepts everyone. His disciples were fishermen, and we know what kind of lies we tell."

Can we see our way clear to doing something about air pollution?

"It's an apple pie, try it..."

"How come there's a forbidden fruit but not a forbidden vegetable?"

Exercise and diet at the same time - open and close your refrigerator door 100 times.

Jesus the comedian.

'I sure wouldn't want to be MY brother's keeper!'

Forgive me Father for I have sinned

The hardest instrument to play second fiddle.

Garden of Eden: Director's Cut

Jesus Fish

"And to those of you who did contribute to the church fund—our blessings."

Peter denies Jesus three times.

'Create Adam before Eve -- He'll need some time to clean up around there a little first.'

"Yeah, we thought about having kids, but we didn't want to give up our lifestyle."

"Do you realize that they pay our teacher to come to school every day and we do it for free?"