Ironic Theologian Gifts

Garden of Eden: Director's Cut

'The geeks will inherit the earth.'

"I tried the old, if you're without sin throw the first stone. Well, figures Jesus was in the crowd."

"The Lord works in mysterious ways, I mean, alpacas? What are they? It’s like Bob Seger mated with a llama."

"It's cool – God told us to!"

Adam and Eve toast next to a serpent bartender.

"There are no such things as problems, only opportunities."

'It's not much of a soap opera with just that Adam guy.'

'Eve wants a second opinion about the apples.'

Hot cross buns

"I must have pressed the wrong button."

"I've outlived my conventional and alternative doctors."

Priest with the Pet Devil.

'Kill all the Canaanites? -- Won't that set a bad precedent?'

'Well, you heard wrong -- Zen Buddhism doesn't have a Missouri Synod.'

"Great sermon! - When it comes to sin, you sure know what you're talking about!"

"So anyway, I found a worm on the path the other day and carried it to safety. Then I hear: 'Hey! I was heading the other way!"

'Hey, what's with all this 'God forbid' stuff?'

'What do you mean, you're having second thoughts...?'

Pastor wearing sunglasses against the hymns.

"I got the grant! I'm researching whether money can buy happiness."

"It's obvious Jesus accepts everyone. His disciples were fishermen, and we know what kind of lies we tell."

"How come there's a forbidden fruit but not a forbidden vegetable?"

"It's an apple pie, try it..."

'We're ahead of the game. We've lost nothing since we never had anything.'

"Do not bury yourself alive if allergic to burying yourself alive."

'I did it the hard way. No self-improvement books.'

"Pastor Hellfire is recovering well, since he passed his brimstone."

"You'll find a day in the sewage treatment plant will do wonders for you."

'I'm looking for the book that tells how to be less materialistic without actually giving up any stuff!'

Jesus Fish

'I sure wouldn't want to be MY brother's keeper!'

"And to those of you who did contribute to the church fund—our blessings."

Forgive me Father for I have sinned