Ironic Theologian Gifts

Garden of Eden: Director's Cut

'The geeks will inherit the earth.'

"I tried the old, if you're without sin throw the first stone. Well, figures Jesus was in the crowd."

"The Lord works in mysterious ways, I mean, alpacas? What are they? It’s like Bob Seger mated with a llama."

"It's cool – God told us to!"

Adam and Eve toast next to a serpent bartender.

'Eve wants a second opinion about the apples.'

"There are no such things as problems, only opportunities."

'It's not much of a soap opera with just that Adam guy.'

Hot cross buns

"I've outlived my conventional and alternative doctors."

"I must have pressed the wrong button."

Priest with the Pet Devil.

Priest with Christian symbol

"Thou Shalt not Covid thy Neighbor's Wife!"

'Well, you heard wrong -- Zen Buddhism doesn't have a Missouri Synod.'

'Kill all the Canaanites? -- Won't that set a bad precedent?'

'Hey, what's with all this 'God forbid' stuff?'

John the Baptist was clothed in camels hair and eight locusts.

"So anyway, I found a worm on the path the other day and carried it to safety. Then I hear: 'Hey! I was heading the other way!"

"Great sermon! - When it comes to sin, you sure know what you're talking about!"

Pastor wearing sunglasses against the hymns.

'What do you mean, you're having second thoughts...?'

"I got the grant! I'm researching whether money can buy happiness."

Sunday School. Strange --- Apples were forbidden, but apparently fried foods were okay.

"It's obvious Jesus accepts everyone. His disciples were fishermen, and we know what kind of lies we tell."

'We're ahead of the game. We've lost nothing since we never had anything.'

"How come there's a forbidden fruit but not a forbidden vegetable?"

"It's an apple pie, try it..."

"Do not bury yourself alive if allergic to burying yourself alive."

'I did it the hard way. No self-improvement books.'

"Pastor Hellfire is recovering well, since he passed his brimstone."

"You'll find a day in the sewage treatment plant will do wonders for you."

'I'm looking for the book that tells how to be less materialistic without actually giving up any stuff!'

"And to those of you who did contribute to the church fund—our blessings."