Quirky Pet Channel Subscriber Gifts

'The ball of wool channel? Who the hell signed us up for that?'

'Fetch.'

Biofelineism

"Will you be taking these home or chewing them right here?"

"I offer emotional support and companionship for those with PTSD." "I detect cancer and other human diseases by scent detection." "I squeak-fart when startled."

"I'm not sure if we're named after passwords or vice versa."

Pet psychic -- yup, she's for real.

Cat Show

Dog FM. (Man blowing dog whistle into radio microphone).

"Lap fish..."

"What? Don't yuck my yum!"

"He ate homework as a puppy but quickly moved onto business journals."

'You're doing that just to bug me, aren't you?'

"He was a dog person, I was a cat person, the answer was a ferret."

“He’s timid, very shy. I rescued him from some wacko who tried to steal Christmas.”

Dog phrenology

'Okay, I see it now...lame in the third hind leg on the left side!'

"You will meet a tall, mysterious stranger — you will rub fur on his pant leg."

"Now I'm sure that, at this point, you're wondering HOW I can remove the anal sacs..."

Lady taking her Cochin chickens for a walk.

Upper East Side Dog Park

he used to belong to a cartoonist

Woman keeping a chicken in her room for fresh eggs

"And that's why you go on safari."

'He won't eat his lettuce until I've washed it five times. I'm sure his OCD is getting worse!'

Henrietta was never one to conform to society's labels. She preferred to think of herself as an 'off-Rhode lsland Red'...

'And this is scraps.'

"I did what you asked and got rid of my white mice."

'I'm trying to toilet train them.'

"The first thing we have to do is get you up there."

"That was the pet store, dear - they want to know if you've noticed any minor flashes of aggression in Joey since starting the steroid bird feed?"

Priest with the Pet Devil.

'If you don't notice an improvement after a few weeks, we can try a different cone.'

'He's an octopussy. They're specially bred to catch over 100 mice an hour.'

"Teach me not to care."