Quirky Habits Follower Pillows

Weird things I do because of the internet

Vegetarian Birds

"We understand you wish to report a crime Madam? I'm Inspector La Garde and this is my able assistant Defective Constable Wallis."

'Knock it off, Gus! This is tough enough without your yodeling!'

'I'm doing like you said and not drinking straight from the carton.'

A girl wearing a t-shirt saying ', la'

'It's my own fault, I encouraged him to give up cigarettes in favour of a pipe. It was while we were on holiday in the Swiss Alps!'

"Ok Mr Rogers, that's enough bubblewrap."

"Are you aware of how many times you say 'oink' when you talk?"

"You know that thing where you stand like a statue, then move real fast, then stand like a statue again? You totally stole that from me."

"I hope you don't mind, I can't sleep without them."

Advantages of being bald # 1 - Freshly Squeezed Grapefruit Juice

"I'm concerned... She didn't do her usual stretch-bark-rub-her-face-across-the-carpet thing after kibble."

"You still haven't told me why your last girlfriend dumped you"

Any last questions about the bright future of Yell? Yes, you there. Me? I wasn't raising my hand. I was waving my phone in the air to show support, like at a rock concert. I guess, though, if I had a question, it'd be how did I get so lucky to invest in a website that publishes restaurant reviews from a screaming baby. Neither ironic, nor a plant. Weird. Can I increase my share? I could invest more if I stop eating.

"I'm on the 'half and half' diet. I eat half and my dog eats the other half."

"Now, now sir, you know I can't give you the injection in your 'prosthetic' arm!"

Woman in bar showing off her toffee based shoes...'Jimmy Chews'

'It's the latest thing. I got him done at www.snuffed and stuffed.com!'

'You lied to me- I'm not a lemming am I?'

Latter-day saints

The Church of DanaeDanaeism: 'It's a new commandment by the church of Danae...thou shalt make room for donuts.'

'Okay, you can watch 'animal planet'....just don't try any of that stuff at home.'

"Wait – how many seasons is this?"

Sign on sidewalk: 'Please direct your feet to the sunny side of the street...'

'Sorry Ruby! New rule!' 'Jinxing other players by means of shamans, warlocks, witch-doctors, voodoo-men no longer permitted!' The Management

"The first rule of Musical Chairs Club is. . . you have to get out of your chairs!"

I started biting my lip...and look where that got me!

Drying your hands on trousers.

Post-Modern Parenting

Pick your own.

Naked bowling in the living room

'Cats are creatures of habit.'

'Oscar! You just have to get closer to your spittoon!'

'The water shortage began it - Then somehow, the habit of sharing-a-bath stuck...'