Quirky Habit Lover Pillows

"Ok Mr Rogers, that's enough bubblewrap."

"I love you, you big fool."

"You know how it is, one minute I'm selling insurance in South Dakota and the next minute I have a hook for a hand. How about you?"

Weird things I do because of the internet

Some scents are nonsense.

"We have to stop meeting like this – people are starting to talk ‘psychiatric ward.’"

'Knock it off, Gus! This is tough enough without your yodeling!'

"Sometimes Ben does very dumb things. I love that in him."

'I'm doing like you said and not drinking straight from the carton.'

'Oh Gloria, I love you with all my heart, part of my liver and most of my lower intestine.'

'It's my own fault, I encouraged him to give up cigarettes in favour of a pipe. It was while we were on holiday in the Swiss Alps!'

"Are you aware of how many times you say 'oink' when you talk?"

"You know that thing where you stand like a statue, then move real fast, then stand like a statue again? You totally stole that from me."

'Slow and hurl.'

Advantages of being bald # 1 - Freshly Squeezed Grapefruit Juice

"I hope you don't mind, I can't sleep without them."

"I'm concerned... She didn't do her usual stretch-bark-rub-her-face-across-the-carpet thing after kibble."

"Does she like to smell strange?"

"You must be a computer geek, because I've never had anyone ask me to accept their 'Terms of Use' before a date."

"You still haven't told me why your last girlfriend dumped you"

"What did you expect from a budget airline?"

Drying your hands on trousers.

I started biting my lip...and look where that got me!

Post-Modern Parenting

'Why are you using a tooth paste that relieves itching and burning while it shrinks swollen membranes?'

Pick your own.

Naked bowling in the living room

'Cats are creatures of habit.'

Insurance cover for naturist.

'Oscar! You just have to get closer to your spittoon!'

'The water shortage began it - Then somehow, the habit of sharing-a-bath stuck...'

Designated Smoking Area - Please do not tap on glass