Quirky Habit Tolerator Pillows

'Knock it off, Gus! This is tough enough without your yodeling!'

Weird things I do because of the internet

"We have to stop meeting like this – people are starting to talk ‘psychiatric ward.’"

'I'm doing like you said and not drinking straight from the carton.'

"Me? I'm taking the dog for a silly walk."

'It's my own fault, I encouraged him to give up cigarettes in favour of a pipe. It was while we were on holiday in the Swiss Alps!'

"Ok Mr Rogers, that's enough bubblewrap."

"Are you aware of how many times you say 'oink' when you talk?"

"You know that thing where you stand like a statue, then move real fast, then stand like a statue again? You totally stole that from me."

Advantages of being bald # 1 - Freshly Squeezed Grapefruit Juice

"I hope you don't mind, I can't sleep without them."

"I'm concerned... She didn't do her usual stretch-bark-rub-her-face-across-the-carpet thing after kibble."

"He's so bossy I call him Big Brother!"

"You still haven't told me why your last girlfriend dumped you"

"You're in my spot!"

"There's the UPS truck, but that's not Justin. What's going on?! Where the #@*! is Justin?!"

"No thanks. I quit smoking 55 pounds ago."

Post-Modern Parenting

Drying your hands on trousers.

I started biting my lip...and look where that got me!

"Jack and I have learned to accept each other's idiosyncrasies, like my passion for cashew brittle, and his going out every night and not coming home until dawn."

Naked bowling in the living room

'Take no notice she often feigns death she was raised by possums.'

Pick your own.

'Cats are creatures of habit.'

'Oscar! You just have to get closer to your spittoon!'

"Well, back to the grind."

'I'm giving up all of my good habits. They're easier to stop doing than bad habits.'

'The water shortage began it - Then somehow, the habit of sharing-a-bath stuck...'

Designated Smoking Area - Please do not tap on glass

"Going out for a smoke... you?"

"Sweetie, you know I can’t sleep without mariachi noise."