Programming Gifts

"The boss wants me to create a computer algorithm that converts hindsite into foresight."

Evolution.

'The boss wants me to create a computer algorithm that can convert hindsight into foresight.'

'I just wanted to thank you for grounding me to my room for the weekend. I took the time to start a computer programming company, which earned me $13 million.'

"...and this is our Agile project!"

'Tech support says your anti-virus software did not catch the problem since it is not a virus. It's a bacterium.'

"Guide us, Oh Database Manager!"

'Human Error .. Yet Again.'

"I think we could work very well together."

Voice-activated high-speed wireless communications.

"Bad news- some kid just created an app that creates apps."

"Susan!...are you trying to tell me we have an interface problem?"

'I'm a software engineer, so I can confirm it works by magic.'

Web Content Management

Computer virus

1080P New Year's Resolution

Pounding speeds up the computer.

'Data, data everywhere!'

'What's the use? Everyone has his own PC future-probability program these days.'

'Help! I'm wired and I can't get up!'

"Tidy up yer website, gov?"

'It just doesn't get any beta than this.'

"Once I connect with my server over there, I can turn my lamp on and off."

You have 10 updates, 6 slow your PC down, 3 look very dodgy, 1 randomly changes all your PC settings!

"Please wait while I load up software you'll never use and stick random icons all over the place."

'Gimme all your cache!'

'We use intelligent robots, but not to intelligent because they'd want a union.'

OBSOLETE: Any piece of software or hardware that you bought last week for mega bucks.

'His debugging skills are exceptional.'

'I've got one week to master this program. The boss is threatening to hire an eight year old.'

'They call it a remote because that's the chnaces of me being able to program it.'

'Here comes the 64-bit local bus.'

'By putting all our data into code, our competitors can't read it, our unathorized personnel can't read it, and I'm afraid, neither can we.'

Computer Expert

"Look. He's just created his first text output object."