Software Programming Gifts

"Welcome to the team, Mr Ware. What did you say your first name was?"

'Programmers at a cocktail party.'

Pounding speeds up the computer.

Robots search for people's personal information in the cloud.

Project Length As Measured In Dog Years

Bob encounters one of the bugs in the Jean Paul Sartre fan website.

"I built this tree house for my kids. But it's so private, I've decided to use it as my home office."

"Greetings, I'm the bluebird of dank memes."

The Computer Bore

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'Human Error .. Yet Again.'

'3 Second Loading Zone.'

"You can access me by saying simply 'Agnes.' It is not necessary to add 'dot com.' "

'Our parents were replaced by machines - We'll be replaced with new software.'

"Technology isn't making me smarter. It's allowing me to be dumb, faster."

"When I grow up, I'm writing the Great American App."

"I guess it's ethical. Let me run it through my 'Ethics Check' app."

The DaVinci Code

"Sorry, we've found an app that's better at being you than you!"

"I've just been offered a job sorting out the Y1K bug.."

"The report is clear that cyber crime is on the increase, it's a worry."

'First you forget logarithms. Then you forget how to do long division. Then the multiplication table begins to go...'

"He's taught himself work-life balance."

"There's your son's heartbeat, and over here is the app he's developing."

Robotic Man

'Sorry, suffering from burnout return in a week.'

Evolution.

"This software will cut my workload in half, so I purchased two."

'Can our software do that?'

Computer Science Class 10101010101.

'You don't have to explain the software to me. I wrote it while I was in the womb.'

'Anything you can compute I can compute better. I can compute anything better than you.'

'...and in 1/100000 of a second, it can compound the programmer's error 87,500 times.'