Software Developer Gifts

"I think we're named after computer passwords."

"Go ahead. Click on 'I Am Not A Robot.' I dare you."

"I design retinal-controlled destination-mapping interfaces for self-driving transportation, but not in the traditional sense."

STRIP Hambone: Using Tippex on a monitor

"Does your car have any idea why my car pulled it over?"

'Funny, really. They always click on 'install' without reading the license agreement.'

Innovate or die.

'Well I could help with 'A bit of filing and general help around the office' or you MIGHT like to benefit from my 25 years experience in software development and capital infrastructure investment experience.'

'Oh, God I have to talk to a *****! Human!'

'How did you arrive at this price?' - 'Our computer has a new random generator.'

Internet Epitaphs

"...and this is our Agile project!"

'Tech support says your anti-virus software did not catch the problem since it is not a virus. It's a bacterium.'

'As far as we can tell, the system went down because someone stepped on a crack in the sidewalk.'

"I'm waiting for them to work out the bugs first,"

'Burnout' (head exploded).

'Texting you to let you know that I'll be calling you about a new video-conference app that I read about in a magazine.'

"So the answer to eternal happiness isn't an upgrade?"

"We only got up to three 'whys' and a 'what the hell'."

'I'm looking for software that will allow me to print my own money.'

'It figures. If there's artifical intelligence, there's bound to be some artificial stupidity.'

"And the best part is, it's open source!"

"The new system is 100% accurate as long as the client is called Colin and lives in Swindon."

'He's an attorney. He came with the software package, to verify software licensing compliance.'

'Can I download that as a PDF?'

"I think that was one upgrade to many for Chris!"

'I back up my files religiously. I pray nothing happens to them.'

"A-ha, I've proven them wrong! The computer, my one and only friend, says I have high EQ."

Voice-activated high-speed wireless communications.

"The good news is I used AI to fill in my March tournament bracket and I won the whole thing. The bad news is AI has become self aware and wants the prize money."

"Some good predictive analytics software would have really helped us avoid this mess..."

"Bad news- some kid just created an app that creates apps."

'Rather than learning how to solve that, shouldn't we be learning how to operate software that can solve that problem?'

Blind data.

"Susan!...are you trying to tell me we have an interface problem?"