Productivity Sceptic Gifts

'Actually, I haven't done any work for a month due to technical difficulties.'

Desk trays - 'in', 'out', and 'one of these days'.

"It's a new target to target a time to reduce targets so that we'll be less target driven!"

"Why can't I get anything done unless I'm totally stressed out about it?" "Is it possible to be relaxed and still be productive?" "What is wrong with my brain?" "Why don't you work better?"

"Gentleman I believe I've found a revolutionary new way for us to more productively waste our lives."

"Give a man a job, and he'll work all day. Teach a man to delegate, and he'll take the rest of the day off."

'This software package can cut your workload in half. Do you want to purchase two copies?'

'I'm sure you all agree that this has been a very constructive meeting.'

Look at me multitasking. I'm shooting the breeze, checking invoices and drinking coffee.

"I've found if I squint my eyes and frown, it looks like I'm concentrating rather than sleeping.".

GDP and G&T.

How to boost your work output...

"That must be the new 'sit-work' desk."

Department of Productivity: Caution - High Speed Revolving Door.

"How many work in my department? On a good day probably about half."

"We've increased job satisfaction. Now let's focus on productivity."

"With this system nobody ever needs a holiday. A doctor occasionally, but not a holiday."

'Ideally, I'd like a job where my multi-application cell phone will do all the work.'

'I remember when it used to say THINK.'

"Unsticky notes test #17 success!"

"I feel like I got a lot accomplished today."

"You'd be more productive if this was plugged in."

'I gained about two hours a day. I gave up the New York Times.'

"At least TRY to look as busy as a bee!"

'He's at the 'awkward stage' in converting to paperless so he carries both a laptop and a briefcase.'

'Your supervisor says you have been giving 100 each week, but at the rate of 20 each day.'

'Some way we've got to get back the good old American know-how to make cheap crap.'

'Good morning, I am Mister Greenreaper independent consultant. The management has asked me to reorganize your department in oder to improve its productivity and its competivity.'

"And another thing, stop sending me e-mails."

'This is a very difficult job. There's only so much you can pretend you're doing.'

'McWit, I'm going to make you more efficient ... no matter how much it slows you down.'

"I'm always suspicious of empty wastebaskets."