Productivity Illusionist Gifts

Look at me multitasking. I'm shooting the breeze, checking invoices and drinking coffee.

Desk trays - 'in', 'out', and 'one of these days'.

'And I'm happy to say, that since the merger...'

In many ways this is the perfect job! Out. Out.

"It's a new target to target a time to reduce targets so that we'll be less target driven!"

"Gentleman I believe I've found a revolutionary new way for us to more productively waste our lives."

Targets.

"Give a man a job, and he'll work all day. Teach a man to delegate, and he'll take the rest of the day off."

'This software package can cut your workload in half. Do you want to purchase two copies?'

"For my next trick, I shall turn four consecutive quarters of losses into a positive outlook going forward."

'If people who have sudden ideas really had light bulbs over their heads, it would be very dark in here.'

I came in early to seize the day...but it seized me first.

'I brought Simmons here on board to use his powers of levitation on our customer intelligence.'

'I'm sure you all agree that this has been a very constructive meeting.'

"I've found if I squint my eyes and frown, it looks like I'm concentrating rather than sleeping.".

'This spider's web proves that you've done no work today!'

'Actually, I haven't done any work for a month due to technical difficulties.'

Efficiency Expert: Back at 3:17:03

"Your job will be to make these results look Stellar."

Man being fed 'Get up and Go' on a drip.

"That must be the new 'sit-work' desk."

How to boost your work output...

"We've increased job satisfaction. Now let's focus on productivity."

Department of Productivity: Caution - High Speed Revolving Door.

"How many work in my department? On a good day probably about half."

'We're hoping to employ a workaholic for whom job-satisfaction is reward enough.'

Since this is a smoke-free building, we'll have to fool the shareholders with mirrors alone.

"Now let's check our ethical hats in at the door and get some bloody work done."

"I feel like I got a lot accomplished today."

"You'd be more productive if this was plugged in."

'I remember when it used to say THINK.'

"Unsticky notes test #17 success!"

"The fact is, Bob, your amazing ability to focus on problems like a laser beam is freaking out everybody in the company!"

"At least TRY to look as busy as a bee!"

Nothing gives me a greater feeling of accomplishment than not accomplishing anything.