Productivity Jokester Gifts

'In keeping with my new efficiency system I'd like to apologize in advance for all the stuff I'm going to screw up this week.'

"Is this to make me feel bad for not getting you that laptop?"

"Shall we start with an icebreaker?"

"I realize we had to liquidate some assets, but don't you think I'd be more productive if I had a desk?"

'Senior management wanted me to raise morale so I made Lionel from accounts 'office jester'!'

'It's a difficult job, he needed a bigger than average 'stress ball'.'

"A dozen eggs and a pint of semi-skimmed...Sorry, looks like I left my presentation in my other coat."

"Lost my job. But I'm pretty sure it's around here somewhere."

'The cash bonus incentives don't appear to be having the desired results. So, I've hired Rocky, here. He'll be providing the heads of the least productive departments with his own brand of incentive. If you know what I mean.'

"Hire a cost cutting, bad-guy consultant to turn me into a good guy during the layoffs."

"It's a new target to target a time to reduce targets so that we'll be less target driven!"

"Gentleman I believe I've found a revolutionary new way for us to more productively waste our lives."

Chritmas Party - "What in our own time?"

The World's First Electronic Paperweight

Clowns in the board room: 'As you can see by the pie chart, most of our expenses go to, well, pie.'

'Yes, we do have an incentive scheme.We call it 'continued employment'.'

"Personally, I'd like to hire you, Mike, but the company has some serious concerns about your core competencies!"

'I recognize the face ... I just can't pin down the name.'

'We like your style, but hate your substance.'

'Don't disturb me - I'm in conference!'

STRIP Hambone: Businessman in hospital with his computer

"Give a man a job, and he'll work all day. Teach a man to delegate, and he'll take the rest of the day off."

Targets.

"If you really want to get ahead you'll need to stop licking your own butt and start licking mine."

'Tell your boss we represent an independent watchdog committee.'

"My boss had security escort me out of the office today. I'm worried this means I won't be getting a bonus."

"Make sure the coffee has extra caffeine. I want the employees awake during overtime."

He likes to make work fun

"...simple, we topped the water cooler with energy drinks and productivity rocketed."

'I think our only choice at this point is to take the next big step.'

'So, paternity leave problem solved then?'

'I'll review your salary next spring.'

"Who's your daddy corporation?"