Productivity Punster Gifts

'We're hoping to employ a workaholic for whom job-satisfaction is reward enough.'

I came in early to seize the day...but it seized me first.

Targets.

Man being fed 'Get up and Go' on a drip.

'This spider's web proves that you've done no work today!'

'Since you do the work of three people, we're firing you to create more jobs in this economy.'

"Give a sh*t" "Don't give a sh*t"

"I spent all day learning productivity hacks"

The Department of Blind-Side Bias, Knowledge Gaps and Really Great Coffee.

'I play so hard that I have no time to work hard.'

Motivation to work

"It's a new target to target a time to reduce targets so that we'll be less target driven!"

'I don't want your input until you produce some output.'

"Gentleman I believe I've found a revolutionary new way for us to more productively waste our lives."

The World's First Electronic Paperweight

"Why can't I get anything done unless I'm totally stressed out about it?" "Is it possible to be relaxed and still be productive?" "What is wrong with my brain?" "Why don't you work better?"

'I see you're still trying to get the staff enthused over the weekly meetings.' (Meeting offers free coffee, free snacks, eye-popping charts, exciting videos and free idea pads).

"Meanwhile, obsessing about productivity is way up."

'We need to have a shake-up!'

"Has anyone else noticed that the efficiency experts seem a little robotic?"

'I sometimes wonder if these endless meetings accomplish anything.'

"Give a man a job, and he'll work all day. Teach a man to delegate, and he'll take the rest of the day off."

"There appears to be a direct correlation between fewer meetings and higher productivity."

'This software package can cut your workload in half. Do you want to purchase two copies?'

Experience-Productivity Ratio / Age-Salary Ratio.

"You should be able to get through your emails during the working day then you could use the rest of your life to do some of the work."

"Oh, I can be dependable, and for another £200 a week, I can be productive too."

Here's a new Blackberry with a special silent alarm that vibrates and delivers a small electrical shock. We call it the Gooseberry.

'If people who have sudden ideas really had light bulbs over their heads, it would be very dark in here.'

"Gosh, 'inept' seems so harsh. Personally, I prefer the term 'productivity-challenged!'"

'I never wanted the best years of your life Clayton - just a few good days would do.'

Strategic Planning Magnetic Kit showing words such as 'increase,' 'global,' 'leading,' and 'profitable'

'Im so overloaded with emails, just one monitor wasn't enough to handle them all.'

Working Environment

"I think you're becoming a workaholic."