Productivity Humorist Gifts

'A nice feature of this office, the view from that window won't distract you from your work.'

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

"So, we look to the fourth quarter as a time of healing."

'The lads at the office still talk about the day you told the boss what to do with his job...'

'It's a deal, lets sniff bottoms!'

"This report is mumbo jumbo...I asked for gobbledeeegook!"

"Any questions?"

Satya Nutella

"Delegating authority is good. Delegating blame is better."

"We're pleased to announce that your company has shrewdly traded a cow for some magic beans." some ma

'Gentlemen, I've been authorized to sweeten the offer.'

"In the event of an actual S.E.C. investigation, legal representation will drop from the ceiling."

"You can all unroll yourselves now. We're heading back up."

'We earn extra money by renting out your office at night.'

"Perhaps this slide whistle can better illustrate what this graph is telling us."

"Wake up Thomas, it's not 2020. There's no Zoom camera to turn off to hide yourself."

"Hire a cost cutting, bad-guy consultant to turn me into a good guy during the layoffs."

The number one injury in today's workplace: severe bends caused by repeated exposure to deep-dive presentations.

"What if, instead of the safe being filled with rawhide, it's filled with catnip and mice!" "No one will buy it." "Drugs and rodents? Who's our demographic?" "The Simpsons already did that."

"It's a new target to target a time to reduce targets so that we'll be less target driven!"

'Ho,ho,ho, but can you be more specific?'

"The anger management consultant said he wasn't going to alter his **** dates at this t****stage which fits in with the 'managing change' consultant who said it was to late to change her plans..."

'Yo-you Ma will now raise our spirits and assuage our pain.'

'And finally. . . where do you see yourself on the food chain 5 years from now?'

'Stay with me now, people, because in Step C, things get a bit delicate.'

'Could we finish these negotiations via e-mail? That will allow me to think before I respond to your proposals.'

'Well, I'm not very satisfied with our customers, either.'

'We have what might be a very good idea...'

"When we changed the company name, the stocks went through the roof!"

'I'm sorry, Henderson - But profits are down and we have to make sacrifices.'

'We want you to get us into the international honey market.'

"I see the downsizing continues."

"Openness and transparency are a big part of our corporate mythos."

"Give a man a job, and he'll work all day. Teach a man to delegate, and he'll take the rest of the day off."