Time Management Humorist Gifts

"Late, as usual."

'When you say I have 24 hours to get out of town, does that include the grace period?'

"Forget it, Josh – neither of us has the time management skills for a sordid affair."

"Wanna play 'Waitin’ on the Cable Guy'?"

Humpty Dumpty using Egg timer as an Alarm clock.

Today isn't a good day. He's talking to New York now, then he's got a board meeting, after that there's an old Betty Grable film on TV.

Things to Do: Wax, Wane, Wax, Wane, Wax....

Train Arrivals

"What took you so long?"

'What bothers me about these meetings is even though it's work, I have the nagging feeling I ought to leave and get back to work.'

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

"They say it takes 10,000 hours to perfect something- I guess I was a bit hasty throwing that together in 144."

"So, we look to the fourth quarter as a time of healing."

"I spent all day learning productivity hacks"

'It's a deal, lets sniff bottoms!'

"This report is mumbo jumbo...I asked for gobbledeeegook!"

Work Parfait

"Ok, do we agree the minutes of the last meeting?"

"Any questions?"

"We're pleased to announce that your company has shrewdly traded a cow for some magic beans." some ma

"Delegating authority is good. Delegating blame is better."

"On the plus side, I finally have a key to the executive washroom."

'Gentlemen, I've been authorized to sweeten the offer.'

"In the event of an actual S.E.C. investigation, legal representation will drop from the ceiling."

'We earn extra money by renting out your office at night.'

"Wake up Thomas, it's not 2020. There's no Zoom camera to turn off to hide yourself."

"What if, instead of the safe being filled with rawhide, it's filled with catnip and mice!" "No one will buy it." "Drugs and rodents? Who's our demographic?" "The Simpsons already did that."

The number one injury in today's workplace: severe bends caused by repeated exposure to deep-dive presentations.

"Hire a cost cutting, bad-guy consultant to turn me into a good guy during the layoffs."

'Ho,ho,ho, but can you be more specific?'

"The anger management consultant said he wasn't going to alter his **** dates at this t****stage which fits in with the 'managing change' consultant who said it was to late to change her plans..."

'And finally. . . where do you see yourself on the food chain 5 years from now?'

"This just in... the country has adopted a 24 hr military clock... ...details at 23."

Fact: The average person spends 4.3 hours per week looking for things that are misplaced, misfiled or mislabeled.