Productivity Satirist Gifts

"I feel like I got a lot accomplished today."

'This is a very difficult job. There's only so much you can pretend you're doing.'

"The problem with this place is that no one appreciates my hard work."

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

I'm looking for employees who have their own unique way of seeing things my way.

"If nothing else needs welding, Paula, I'm going to lunch."

Desk trays - 'in', 'out', and 'one of these days'.

"They decided giving out pink slips was too impersonal. So now they're blue."

'Don't think of it as being a yes man, think of it as being an employed man.'

"I realize we had to liquidate some assets, but don't you think I'd be more productive if I had a desk?"

'I like the way you handle responsibility, McWit, so I'm going to blame some stuff on you.'

"Well the good news is that after the reorganisation you'll be leading the team."

Employee won't think about work outside of box

"No training period, but you can purchase my instructional video on line for $49.95."

"The new chairman has dropped the brain-storming meetings."

"Leadership is all about knowing who to delegate responsibility for all your mistakes."

"In the event of an actual S.E.C. investigation, legal representation will drop from the ceiling."

'Now then - I just wanted to see how you handle pressure, Mr. Boyle.'

National Boss Monument.

In and Out Tray

Armstrong, the only doctor covered in the new health plan you got me is a veterinarian! Beats no coverage. Yeah, if you're a parakeet. You're so cheap. You don't value me at all. You ingrate. I didn't have to give you health benefits. Lots of employers don't cover their animals. You mean workers. Stop your barking.

"Janet, cancel my Guido's reservation. I'll be having lunch in the office."

"It's a new target to target a time to reduce targets so that we'll be less target driven!"

'Perkins, we're getting rid of some of the dead wood around here.'

Please bring me a few sharpened pencils and some lucrative business.

'I don't like our new copier, it sliced my report into hundreds of tiny strips.'

Meet Grant, he came up through the ranks.

"Gentleman I believe I've found a revolutionary new way for us to more productively waste our lives."

"This resumé has the kind of sizzle we're looking for."

'I don't want your input until you produce some output.'

'I'm delegating everything but my paycheck and my snazzy office to you.'

'Remember, Jenkins, I want those briefs on my desk by morning.'

"You work well without supervision? Fat chance of that happening in here!"

'We took the old plan, folded in half, and now it's the new plan.'