Work Culture Satirist Gifts

Workers.

'My story's a lot like yours. It all started on 'Bring your pet to work day' a few years ago. I was ready for a change, I liked it here, and I stayed!'

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

"If nothing else needs welding, Paula, I'm going to lunch."

'Don't think of it as being a yes man, think of it as being an employed man.'

"I realize we had to liquidate some assets, but don't you think I'd be more productive if I had a desk?"

'I like the way you handle responsibility, McWit, so I'm going to blame some stuff on you.'

Employee won't think about work outside of box

"No training period, but you can purchase my instructional video on line for $49.95."

"Well the good news is that after the reorganisation you'll be leading the team."

'What's that? It's a leaving present for the next person who comes in late.'

"The new chairman has dropped the brain-storming meetings."

Another day at work would be one too many...

"In the event of an actual S.E.C. investigation, legal representation will drop from the ceiling."

'Now then - I just wanted to see how you handle pressure, Mr. Boyle.'

In and Out Tray

"Janet, cancel my Guido's reservation. I'll be having lunch in the office."

'Perkins, we're getting rid of some of the dead wood around here.'

'Can I call you back, Frank? A giant maggot is eating my desk, people are shooting at me and my hair is on fire.'

'I don't like our new copier, it sliced my report into hundreds of tiny strips.'

Please bring me a few sharpened pencils and some lucrative business.

'I'm delegating everything but my paycheck and my snazzy office to you.'

'Remember, Jenkins, I want those briefs on my desk by morning.'

'I don't want your input until you produce some output.'

'What's the matter... you're not grim here?'

Meet Grant, he came up through the ranks.

"You work well without supervision? Fat chance of that happening in here!"

'We took the old plan, folded in half, and now it's the new plan.'

'The organizational structure is pretty simple: We do the work; they take the credit.'

Whack-a-mole CEO.

'Sorry, I can't give you a raise. However, I can offer you a splendid opportunity to share the profits.'

"Progress is going around in the same circle...but faster."

'On your marks. Get set. Go!' - 'Come on! Keep going! You can do it!' - 'Yay! You're 8 hours closer to the grave!' - 'Oh, God.'