Productivity Skeptic Gifts

"Gentleman I believe I've found a revolutionary new way for us to more productively waste our lives."

'Some way we've got to get back the good old American know-how to make cheap crap.'

"I've found if I squint my eyes and frown, it looks like I'm concentrating rather than sleeping.".

Desk trays - 'in', 'out', and 'one of these days'.

"I realize we had to liquidate some assets, but don't you think I'd be more productive if I had a desk?"

In many ways this is the perfect job! Out. Out.

"It's a new target to target a time to reduce targets so that we'll be less target driven!"

"Why can't I get anything done unless I'm totally stressed out about it?" "Is it possible to be relaxed and still be productive?" "What is wrong with my brain?" "Why don't you work better?"

"Give a man a job, and he'll work all day. Teach a man to delegate, and he'll take the rest of the day off."

"...simple, we topped the water cooler with energy drinks and productivity rocketed."

"Are you sure he tested negative?"

'I'm sure you all agree that this has been a very constructive meeting.'

"I think I see the problem."

'Actually, I haven't done any work for a month due to technical difficulties.'

'Stein, have you given any thought to using performance enhancing drugs?'

"That's when we put those expensive organic snacks in the vending machines."

"That must be the new 'sit-work' desk."

Look at me multitasking. I'm shooting the breeze, checking invoices and drinking coffee.

How to boost your work output...

GDP and G&T.

'These graphs represent productivity between free-range and cubicled workers.'

"How many work in my department? On a good day probably about half."

'And it was at this point when he switched from mouse-based, desktop computers to trackpad laptops.'

Department of Productivity: Caution - High Speed Revolving Door.

Boss

"We've increased job satisfaction. Now let's focus on productivity."

"With this system nobody ever needs a holiday. A doctor occasionally, but not a holiday."

'He does all he can to keep from doing all he could.'

'Ideally, I'd like a job where my multi-application cell phone will do all the work.'

"Unsticky notes test #17 success!"

'Since you think better in there, Hawkins, how's the McNulty account coming?'

"You'd be more productive if this was plugged in."

" ... and here's where you took vacation."

"Now let's check our ethical hats in at the door and get some bloody work done."

'I remember when it used to say THINK.'