Productivity Purists Gifts

"Now let's check our ethical hats in at the door and get some bloody work done."

Desk trays - 'in', 'out', and 'one of these days'.

"It's a new target to target a time to reduce targets so that we'll be less target driven!"

"Gentleman I believe I've found a revolutionary new way for us to more productively waste our lives."

"Why can't I get anything done unless I'm totally stressed out about it?" "Is it possible to be relaxed and still be productive?" "What is wrong with my brain?" "Why don't you work better?"

"Give a man a job, and he'll work all day. Teach a man to delegate, and he'll take the rest of the day off."

"There appears to be a direct correlation between fewer meetings and higher productivity."

Targets.

'This software package can cut your workload in half. Do you want to purchase two copies?'

'Wilbur took really, really good care of his car.'

Productivity as a goal

I came in early to seize the day...but it seized me first.

The other digital divide.

Drinks for the post-caffeinated economy

Look at me multitasking. I'm shooting the breeze, checking invoices and drinking coffee.

GDP and G&T.

'This spider's web proves that you've done no work today!'

'Actually, I haven't done any work for a month due to technical difficulties.'

How to boost your work output...

"That must be the new 'sit-work' desk."

"I've found if I squint my eyes and frown, it looks like I'm concentrating rather than sleeping.".

Man being fed 'Get up and Go' on a drip.

"We've increased job satisfaction. Now let's focus on productivity."

"Goodbye, masked consultant. And thanks for reducing our inefficiencies."

"How many work in my department? On a good day probably about half."

Department of Productivity: Caution - High Speed Revolving Door.

"With this system nobody ever needs a holiday. A doctor occasionally, but not a holiday."

Boss

'We're hoping to employ a workaholic for whom job-satisfaction is reward enough.'

"Unsticky notes test #17 success!"

'I gained about two hours a day. I gave up the New York Times.'

'I remember when it used to say THINK.'

"You'd be more productive if this was plugged in."

"Waking at 2 A.M. is how I stay one step ahead of all the people who wake at 5 A.M."

"At least TRY to look as busy as a bee!"