Productivity Perfectionist Gifts

'This software package can cut your workload in half. Do you want to purchase two copies?'

"My mistake was buying shares in the company. I now worry about the lousy work I turn out."

Reindeer delivering office supplies.

Don't forget, this way up!

'He's at the 'awkward stage' in converting to paperless so he carries both a laptop and a briefcase.'

"Why can't the rest of you be more like Rollins, here? He does his homework!"

Things-to-do-today: Daily workboxes piled up on desk.

"Do we always have to work through lunch?"

'It's a fake - but all the hanging around the water cooler is down 57%!'

"Hmmm, this might just be not funny enough for The New Yorker."

"Ok, so you got the worm. What are you going to do with the rest of your day?"

"We're developing a plan to fix this."

"We only got up to three 'whys' and a 'what the hell'."

'My multi-tasking turned into faulty-tasking.'

"Miss Jones! Clear my schedule until I get this sorted out!"

Three work boxes: 'IN...LIMBO...OUT': 'I think I've found your bottleneck.'

"I've heard of being organized, but isn't this a little obsessive compulsive?"

'I'm sorry you had to wait. My Time Management Workshop started late.'

"Some days, no matter how much you procrastinate, work still gets done."

'I need a tool to measure productivity.'

"A laptop has been installed in each rest room stall."

'I'm the CEO of a large corporation. Of course my cough is productive. Everything I do is productive.'

Perfection

Bathroom shelf full of clocks and pills.

Is it a book? A film? A TV show? How do you mime a podcast?

"Slip some performance enhancing drug into the water. We need more production!"

"Or should it be scrum or kanban???"

Beesy schedule.

'Oh, sure, it gets the creative juices going, but is it worth the cost?'

'Remember, I'm doing the best you can.'

'Excellent. But try it again and this time start your sway at the beginning of the fourth bar, O.K.?'

'Good work is it's own reward, but delegation is even better.'

'I don't want to be a shepherd. I want to be the policeman who interrupts the play to tell all the mummys and daddys who have parked irresponsibly and dangerously outside to move their cars...'

'Work production rose significantly once we closed all the curtains in the windows.'

'I'm a narcissist? - Are you saying I'm not perfect?'