Productivity Skeptics Gifts

"I'm glad I'm not in business for myself - I wasted the whole day."

Desk trays - 'in', 'out', and 'one of these days'.

"It's a new target to target a time to reduce targets so that we'll be less target driven!"

"Why can't I get anything done unless I'm totally stressed out about it?" "Is it possible to be relaxed and still be productive?" "What is wrong with my brain?" "Why don't you work better?"

"Gentleman I believe I've found a revolutionary new way for us to more productively waste our lives."

"Give a man a job, and he'll work all day. Teach a man to delegate, and he'll take the rest of the day off."

"Are you sure he tested negative?"

'I'm sure you all agree that this has been a very constructive meeting.'

How to boost your work output...

Look at me multitasking. I'm shooting the breeze, checking invoices and drinking coffee.

GDP and G&T.

"That must be the new 'sit-work' desk."

"I've found if I squint my eyes and frown, it looks like I'm concentrating rather than sleeping.".

'Actually, I haven't done any work for a month due to technical difficulties.'

"With this system nobody ever needs a holiday. A doctor occasionally, but not a holiday."

'My work is based on a version of the truth, but I believe the truth to be fluid...'

"How many work in my department? On a good day probably about half."

"We've increased job satisfaction. Now let's focus on productivity."

Department of Productivity: Caution - High Speed Revolving Door.

'Ideally, I'd like a job where my multi-application cell phone will do all the work.'

"Unsticky notes test #17 success!"

'I remember when it used to say THINK.'

"I feel like I got a lot accomplished today."

"You'd be more productive if this was plugged in."

'I gained about two hours a day. I gave up the New York Times.'

"At least TRY to look as busy as a bee!"

'Your supervisor says you have been giving 100 each week, but at the rate of 20 each day.'

'Toilet breaks are for LOSERS!'

'Some way we've got to get back the good old American know-how to make cheap crap.'

'Good morning, I am Mister Greenreaper independent consultant. The management has asked me to reorganize your department in oder to improve its productivity and its competivity.'

"And another thing, stop sending me e-mails."