Productivity Debater Gifts

Boss

Desk trays - 'in', 'out', and 'one of these days'.

The Department of Blind-Side Bias, Knowledge Gaps and Really Great Coffee.

'I play so hard that I have no time to work hard.'

"(Huff) Here's (huff) your (huff) tea (huff... huff... huff... huff...)" "I will almost certainly regret asking you this, but what on earth are you doing, you cretin?" "All (huff) across America, (huff) office workers are ditching (huff) their desks and walking (huff) on treadmills while they work." "Can I get some water?" "Coming right up." "Good thing I wore my tripping shoes."

"It's a new target to target a time to reduce targets so that we'll be less target driven!"

"Gentleman I believe I've found a revolutionary new way for us to more productively waste our lives."

"I'm trying to Google what I was thinking about twenty minutes ago!"

"Why can't I get anything done unless I'm totally stressed out about it?" "Is it possible to be relaxed and still be productive?" "What is wrong with my brain?" "Why don't you work better?"

'We need to have a shake-up!'

'I sometimes wonder if these endless meetings accomplish anything.'

"Give a man a job, and he'll work all day. Teach a man to delegate, and he'll take the rest of the day off."

I can outsource your job to someone who'll work longer hours for less money. Less money I can understand...but how do they make the hours longer than 60 minutes?

'Right about here I added a drip coffee maker, with high caffeine premium blend coffee, to the employee break room.'

Experience-Productivity Ratio / Age-Salary Ratio.

"Gosh, 'inept' seems so harsh. Personally, I prefer the term 'productivity-challenged!'"

'I never wanted the best years of your life Clayton - just a few good days would do.'

'I'm sure you all agree that this has been a very constructive meeting.'

"When I said you're doing a hell of a job, Krueger, I didn't mean it as a compliment!"

'Actually, I haven't done any work for a month due to technical difficulties.'

"That must be the new 'sit-work' desk."

"I've found if I squint my eyes and frown, it looks like I'm concentrating rather than sleeping.".

How to boost your work output...

"We lose more productivity to viral internet memes than we do to actual viruses."

GDP and G&T.

"Put down your cell phone and check your job!"

Department of Productivity: Caution - High Speed Revolving Door.

"How many work in my department? On a good day probably about half."

"With this system nobody ever needs a holiday. A doctor occasionally, but not a holiday."

"I find I'm way more productive when I don't prioritize."

"We've increased job satisfaction. Now let's focus on productivity."

Meeting Room. I never knew so much time could be wasted while it was standing still.

"You'll be on the road most days, but when you do come in, this will be your docking station."

'I remember when it used to say THINK.'

Bill couldn't explain it but every day around 3 o'clock he would hit the wall.