Prison Satirist Gifts

'This is the first time in five years we've managed to get the whole law firm together.'

'Can you loan me five bucks until I get out and pull a job?'

'My wife says not to worry. She's convinced she can get me out of here with coupons.'

When staffing agencies screw up.

'I mistakenly thought that 'mutual' meant the funds were equally mine to use.'

'OVERCROWDED-I'll say it's OVERCROWDED!'

"How'd you know I was in for cyber crime?"

'See, I told you it was a good idea to talk to the plants.'

Conrad Black will be unable to do his investment club's tax returns this year.

'I tried to give a woman the Heimlich maneuver, and it turned out she was doing the Macarena.'

"Murder one. How about you?" "I tried to rob an arts and crafts store with a hot glue gun."

Convict Decor

'I'm not here for committing a crime - I'm here for failing to comply with a guideline.'

Prison baseball game features Bankers vs. Wall Street.

Post Office fraud wing in a prison.

'21 Today - he wants the key of the door...'

'I was told to reach for the stars but when I did, I was arrested for stalking.'

'I suppose you'd like your porridge shaken, not stirred?'

"Look on the bright side. You no longer live with your parents."

Martha bakes with her new friends.

"They want to spend the weekend at Daddy's" (Colour)

'They got me for 'hate-texting.''

"Try and give me... happy."

'Thanks, that looks delicious, charge it to my room, would you?'

"The other gangs can give you protection. We can give you free wi-fi."

'I'm in here for something I didn't do alright-I didn't pay my Council Tax!'

'Some gagwriter you turned out to be!'

'But I learned a valuable lesson: Before you put out a contract on anyone, be sure to read the fine print.'

'Sorry, but none of our entrees are available for takeout.'

'It's amazing the change in his attitude since he took up knitting.'

"What do you mean, 'you don't serve porridge?!"