Prison Satirist Gifts

'This is the first time in five years we've managed to get the whole law firm together.'

'Can you loan me five bucks until I get out and pull a job?'

'My wife says not to worry. She's convinced she can get me out of here with coupons.'

When staffing agencies screw up.

'OVERCROWDED-I'll say it's OVERCROWDED!'

'I mistakenly thought that 'mutual' meant the funds were equally mine to use.'

"How'd you know I was in for cyber crime?"

Conrad Black will be unable to do his investment club's tax returns this year.

'See, I told you it was a good idea to talk to the plants.'

Convict Decor

"Murder one. How about you?" "I tried to rob an arts and crafts store with a hot glue gun."

'I tried to give a woman the Heimlich maneuver, and it turned out she was doing the Macarena.'

'I'm not here for committing a crime - I'm here for failing to comply with a guideline.'

Post Office fraud wing in a prison.

Prison baseball game features Bankers vs. Wall Street.

Martha bakes with her new friends.

Bullfighter and Bull Cellmates

'I suppose you'd like your porridge shaken, not stirred?'

'21 Today - he wants the key of the door...'

'I was told to reach for the stars but when I did, I was arrested for stalking.'

'They got me for 'hate-texting.''

"Look on the bright side. You no longer live with your parents."

"Try and give me... happy."

"They want to spend the weekend at Daddy's" (Colour)

'Thanks, that looks delicious, charge it to my room, would you?'

"The other gangs can give you protection. We can give you free wi-fi."

'I'm in here for something I didn't do alright-I didn't pay my Council Tax!'

'Some gagwriter you turned out to be!'

"I know it's my turn, but please continue."

All I'm saying is, the next time you go for a perp walk, I'd like to be included.

I don

'There's a rumour we're all going to be released and forced to join the NFL.'

'But I learned a valuable lesson: Before you put out a contract on anyone, be sure to read the fine print.'

"What do you mean, 'you don't serve porridge?!"

'It's amazing the change in his attitude since he took up knitting.'