Prison Satire Lover Gifts

"Try and give me... happy."

'You've got to get me out of here... my cellmate just gave me flowers and candy.'

Dear Edward, here is the cake in the file that you wanted. Love, Sue.

' It's a bit of an anti climax - I've washed it but I can't go any where ! '

Tic-tac-toe

Wow. A corner office at last

'My school has a very strict detention policy.'

'See, I told you it was a good idea to talk to the plants.'

"How'd you know I was in for cyber crime?"

Conrad Black will be unable to do his investment club's tax returns this year.

"Murder one. How about you?" "I tried to rob an arts and crafts store with a hot glue gun."

'He didn't wash his hands.'

Prison baseball game features Bankers vs. Wall Street.

"They want to spend the weekend at Daddy's" (Colour)

Bullfighter and Bull Cellmates

"I can't continue to be your lawyer if you won't show up at the hearings."

'21 Today - he wants the key of the door...'

'Thanks, that looks delicious, charge it to my room, would you?'

'I'm in here for something I didn't do alright-I didn't pay my Council Tax!'

Maximum Insecurity Prison

'It's amazing the change in his attitude since he took up knitting.'

'Jackie Chan caught you? Now, that's a coincidence - Charlie Chan caught me!'

'Sorry, but none of our entrees are available for takeout.'

'It was the 'nothing but the truth' part that tripped me up.'

'The first time it was a fine. Second time, fine and probation. Third time...'

'Juries have never liked me.'

"Well, anyhow, it sure is handy having my broker right here in my cell!"

When Financial Planners Go To Prison.

'Why can't you play harmonica like all the other inmates?'

'Somebody tweeted.'

'That's old Smitty -- he got life plus 99 years.'

I'll tell you what I most miss...being able to garrote people...

Term Life Insurance

Uli Hoeness

"For me, a confessions is much too autobiographical."