Prison Life Satire Lover Gifts

"Man, you're such a crook. You're padding your own calendar with extra days."

' It's a bit of an anti climax - I've washed it but I can't go any where ! '

Tic-tac-toe

Wow. A corner office at last

When staffing agencies screw up.

'My school has a very strict detention policy.'

"One night in a moment of rage. . . I removed a 'Do Not Remove Under Penalty of Law' tag from a pillow!"

Convict Decor

'He didn't wash his hands.'

'I was told to reach for the stars but when I did, I was arrested for stalking.'

'21 Today - he wants the key of the door...'

"Try and give me... happy."

Martha bakes with her new friends.

"I can't continue to be your lawyer if you won't show up at the hearings."

'Thanks, that looks delicious, charge it to my room, would you?'

Maximum Insecurity Prison

'Sorry, but none of our entrees are available for takeout.'

"What do you mean, 'you don't serve porridge?!"

"I've sent last minute treatments to all the major studios."

'But I learned a valuable lesson: Before you put out a contract on anyone, be sure to read the fine print.'

'It was the 'nothing but the truth' part that tripped me up.'

"Well, anyhow, it sure is handy having my broker right here in my cell!"

When Financial Planners Go To Prison.

'Why can't you play harmonica like all the other inmates?'

'The first time it was a fine. Second time, fine and probation. Third time...'

"They're suppositories. Well what other type of drugs do you expect me to smuggle in."

'Somebody tweeted.'

No, I don't want to build a fort.

"It's an 'un'care package from my ex-wife." "Ooooh... is that K-Y Jelly?!"

I'll tell you what I most miss...being able to garrote people...

Dear Edward, here is the cake in the file that you wanted. Love, Sue.

'You've got to get me out of here... my cellmate just gave me flowers and candy.'

"Neato, keeno - bunk beds!"

"For me, a confessions is much too autobiographical."

'That's old Smitty -- he got life plus 99 years.'