Prison Satire Collector Gifts

"I'd like to talk to the warden about rescheduling my debt to society."

'...until the doctor put me on this bread and butter diet nothing worked for me.'

"Hell, George - they even miss ME!"

"My God—I've forgotten the number of my Swiss bank account!"

"Barry stop!. . . I'm you! I'm Barry from 2008. I'm using a time machine to stop you from making an awful mistake!"

The water desk

"It would appear they worshipped the almighty dollar."

'Someday, son, 50 of this will belong to your ex-wife,'

Slave Drivers.

"It is as I feared, Mr. Moran. It's definitely a stiff upper lip."

'Thanks for not asking for a rise.'

"You are the weakest wink...goodbye."

'Finally, an objective way to decide who to promote around here.'

My boss is a real turd.

"Of course I got rid of him...in my own way."

Introducing Peter's Cousin - Murray Pan - The Boy Who Refused To Stay A Child

'Those are to increase my mental energy. . . Those are a mild sedative to calm my nerves.'

'I accept that a dog can be a man's best friend but I'm afraid that doesn't qualify you to speak on the defendant's behalf...'

"See that guy over there? Used to be a real headliner."

"Of course there are some advantages to working here...we have a Food Bank situated conveniently at the end of the street!"

'I'm concerned. I enjoy paying taxes.'

World Domination

'I hope everyone saw the ATM installed in the entrance.'

'Well, your income looks good, and you've been on your job for over two years... but it seems you're 15 trillion dollars in debt.'

'I want a straightforward answer: Did you or did you not willfully claw a flea to death on your left ear?'

'You seem to have rather a lot of unexplained wealth when it comes to tempting, Mr Satan...'

'Taking guard' 'The pessimist'

'Yes sire, we are dealing with your invoice at this very minute.'

'When the economy improves, you will get your company car back.'

'We're hoping to get enough for the boss to take early retirement.'

'Layoffs are bad enough without you making them play musical chairs.'

"The jury will disregard the defendant's statement that he will donate 100% of his criminal earnings to the Concerned Mobsters for Eritrea Fund!"

Trump's Advisors

This house believes that "No Platforming" is not an attack on free speech.

"Sure you defeated the dragon, but too bad you didn't bring a vaccine."