Prison Humor Collector Gifts

'I love what they've done with the place. It looks so modern!'

'Let's get a kitty.'

'My wife says not to worry. She's convinced she can get me out of here with coupons.'

When staffing agencies screw up.

'No need to come in.. you can fax me your resume.'

'I mistakenly thought that 'mutual' meant the funds were equally mine to use.'

'OVERCROWDED-I'll say it's OVERCROWDED!'

"This is why I don't want you doing our taxes anymore."

Conrad Black will be unable to do his investment club's tax returns this year.

'See, I told you it was a good idea to talk to the plants.'

"How'd you know I was in for cyber crime?"

"Murder one. How about you?" "I tried to rob an arts and crafts store with a hot glue gun."

'I tried to give a woman the Heimlich maneuver, and it turned out she was doing the Macarena.'

Inmate on cell phone: 'I'd like to request 'Jailhouse Rock'.'

Convict Decor

'He didn't wash his hands.'

Prison baseball game features Bankers vs. Wall Street.

Post Office fraud wing in a prison.

Bullfighter and Bull Cellmates

"Look on the bright side. You no longer live with your parents."

'She kept asking me to say what was on my mind so I did. She told her analyst and then the FBI.'

'I suppose you'd like your porridge shaken, not stirred?'

'They got me for 'hate-texting.''

'Which section, guilty, innocent, or framed?'

"I can't continue to be your lawyer if you won't show up at the hearings."

'The SEC got me for inflating the numbers..'

"They want to spend the weekend at Daddy's" (Colour)

'I was told to reach for the stars but when I did, I was arrested for stalking.'

Martha bakes with her new friends.

"The other gangs can give you protection. We can give you free wi-fi."

'Ms. Daly, have there been any important e-mails or voice-mails during my incarceration?'

'Hey. You're back.'

'I'm in here for something I didn't do alright-I didn't pay my Council Tax!'

'But I learned a valuable lesson: Before you put out a contract on anyone, be sure to read the fine print.'

'There's a rumour we're all going to be released and forced to join the NFL.'