Pre-wedding Jitters Gifts

"I came here because my podiatrist said he couldn't help me with my cold fee."

'Last seen running away from St. Paul's Church...'

Speed Dating for Turtles

"She can walk the walk, but can she talk the talk?"

"Gals, you know I hate being the center of attention, so for the next 45 minutes I am going to monologue about all the minute details of my wedding planning."

'We've postponed the wedding until we come up with something we can do at the ceremony that will become a viral video.'

"Before I say, I do. Just let me run those vows past my best lawyer."

"It will be a short service. We’re getting married during half-time."

"You don't have to say anthing, but anything you do say may later be used in court by a divorce lawyer."

"It isn't always all about you, Cindy."

"What do you mean 'no way'?"

'Wait a minute - This is getting too close for comfort.'

Ask Sadie. Dear Sadie, I am a 24-year-old man. The woman I am about to marry is having second thoughts because she believes that we are too young. What do you think? - Jacob. Actual reader letter. Great question. When is the right time to marry? Randy, our commitment expert, would you like to handle this one? Jacob, really, what were you expecting?! Medic! Randy's not moving.

'He heard the question, Reverend. He's sleeping on it.'

'You know I hate weddings - they remind me that I went through one!'

"And so, by the ventriloquism powers vested in me, I now pronounce you man and wife."

'What will it cost me for you to elope?'

"Lookin' good...I haven't eaten in three months!"

"Whoa! That's a little clingy."

"It's his first day of school!"

Tunnel of love - pre-nuptial agreement

The Happiest Hen on Acton.

Sisyphus at a job interview. I see you're very persistent but not much of a multi-tasker.

"And do you John, despite the mountain of statistical evidence showing it ain't gonna happen, promise to stick by your woman?"

I love you, Morty, and I do want to get married. I'm just a little worried. What if I feel trapped? What if we fight, or one of us changes, or aliens attack? Aliens? And there's only enough canned food for one of us! Holy commitment phobia.

"How much worse?"

"My camera froze up during the ceremony, but it wasn't a big problem. So did the groom."

'Y'know, I'm glad we kept it small.'

'Either you do or you don't - there isn't any 'cooling-off' period!'

"I don't mind getting married for better or for worse as long as it's not a whole lot worse."

"Yes, I miss him too. Mind you, he's not dead yet. This is just the rehearsal."

'On second thought, maybe I'll shop around a little first.'

"With my dollar dance, I've raised enough money to buy Christmas presents for everybody."

A bride and groom at the altar.

"Does wedding planning have to be this stressful?"