Marriage Jitters Enthusiast Gifts

'On second thought, maybe I'll shop around a little first.'

'I now pronounce you man and wife, you now may kiss you sweet little bachelor butt goodbye.'

'....Till death do you part, don't say I didn't warn you.'

As long as there are husbands, we'll get our's money's worth!

Randy the Love Doctor. What ails you, brother? My wife wants us to renew our vows and have a big ceremony. But I'd rather save that money for retirement. Should I tell her to go take a hike? Of course. That way, there's a good chance you won't have to worry about retirement at all. Exactly ... Wait, what do you mean by that?

'...better or worse...better or worse...better or worse...'

"A word of advice, sir...when your wife reaches for another slice of pizza, never, ever say, 'Are you sure you should be eating that?'"

'No, there isn't a probationary period!'

'I now pronounce you hooked and booked.'

So all is not rosy in the garden?

Mrs Cat waiting for Mr Cat coming home late.

Kindly readers, our resident counselor, Sadie Cohen, will be answering actual questions sent to her via email. Prepare to get an earful of wisdom! Dr. Sadie, I am in a relationship with a beautiful woman who I wish to marry but am still reeling from my first marriage scares me. How do I get over that fear? Signed, Fearful in Salt Lake City. Fear is a worthless emotion. It doesn't help at all. What you should be feeling is terror. Run for your life.

"I'm the lot of baggage he comes with."

The golfer apologized for all his affairs. The governor regrets all his affairs. So does the former presidential candidate. I don't get the abstinence until marriage idea. Shouldn't it be abstinence AFTER marriage?

Gender Symbols

Apply to marry multi-marriage failure.

"I love marriage...It's my husband I hate."

'...I now pronounce you man and wife, for whatever that's worth these days.'

'I thought Lobsters mate for life.'

'I'm not the sitting tenant, I'm your husband.'

"I married for contrast."

'We haven't been seeing eye-to-eye lately.'

"I came here because my podiatrist said he couldn't help me with my cold fee."

'We tried living together, but that didn't work so we've decided to get married.'

"I agreed to 'for better' and 'for worse,' but never to 'for mysterious' and 'withholding'."

"I went ahead and got married without knowing the possible side effects."

"Why, it's a little piece of red yarn! Oh Harold, you always know JUST what to get me."

'....Till death do you part, don't say I didn't warn you.'

"Now, if something happens to your marriage, do you want do-not resuscitate?"

"Since when did they start putting perfume in aerosol cans?"

"Well, Pook, here's to one old marriage that just won't go away."

'To be totally honest, our ship of matrimony is taking on water.'

"That's Stuart and Vivian Muntner. They're a one-marriage family."

'Last seen running away from St. Paul's Church...'

"He's not the frog I married."