Wedding Jitters Expert Gifts

'Either you do or you don't - there isn't any 'cooling-off' period!'

'Okay.. what the hell.'

'You wanted a tractor intead of a wedding car, and our dogs as bridesmaids... so why shouldn't I have one of my cows as best man?'

Bride is angry, as she notices that the groom figure on the cake is drunk.

'Who has the rings and prenup?'

"Before I say, I do. Just let me run those vows past my best lawyer."

'In sickness and in health, under affordable health care or unaffordable. . .'

"You don't have to say anthing, but anything you do say may later be used in court by a divorce lawyer."

'She didn't marry him for his looks or personality - she needed his debts for a tax write-off!'

'The response is 'I do.' Not 'Whatever she says.''

"It isn't always all about you, Cindy."

"What do you mean 'no way'?"

"Please put the ring on her finger, Mr Stroodel - I'm sure she'll give you a receipt after the service."

'He heard the question, Reverend. He's sleeping on it.'

'Wait a minute - This is getting too close for comfort.'

Wedding cake figures having marital problems.

"If anyone thinks the bride could do better, speak now or..."

"I came here because my podiatrist said he couldn't help me with my cold fee."

Dad said that if he's paying for the wedding, he's entitled to a little something.

"Has anybody seen the groom?"

'You know I hate weddings - they remind me that I went through one!'

'Last seen running away from St. Paul's Church...'

'I should have listened to my mother. . . when she said you were immature.'

"Look—let's just get past today, O.K.?"

"And so, by the ventriloquism powers vested in me, I now pronounce you man and wife."

"Whoa! That's a little clingy."

'What will it cost me for you to elope?'

I see they're going for the traditional festivities.

'I'm practicing carrying you over the threshold for our honeymoon night.'

"It's his first day of school!"

"Bert's Bakery? I think there's a pissed-off Bucks Party somewhere, standing around our wedding cake."

"My camera froze up during the ceremony, but it wasn't a big problem. So did the groom."

'There is always the chance that you won't be invited.'