Bride Chill Expert Gifts

You're getting married this year. The planning is driving me crazy. You're displacing. Every bride does it. You're channeling your anxiety and fear about getting married into focusing on things like the dinner seating chart. I forgot about the seating chart. Happy to help.

Snowprov

Vending machine: NO stress, only 50 cents.

"Doesn't seem like 6 hours on the couch, but you can't argue with a lethargy tracker."

'Seriously. You have to get one of these.'

"I'm thinking of starting my own range of 'inactive' wear."

Born to be Mild.

"My feet are cold."

'I think you've managed learning to cope almost too well.'

'How can you bear to sit around doing nothing? You're right, I think I'll have a nap.'

Glasses half full, half empty, half assed.

'Fred's a lot more relaxed since he began viewing life as just another spectator sport.'

"Baldo, the summer is almost gone and you still haven't found a job!"

"Business trip, eh? Gee, that's too bad."

'Hey - enlighten up!'

'When someone asks where you work, what do you tell them?'

'I should have listened to my mother. . . when she said you were immature.'

It is what it is. Settle down! Stop being such a worrywart. What's the worst that could happen? Inactivists.

"Frankly, I could move a lot faster, but the truth is that I lack motivation..."

'Are you sure sitting on a bean bag chair isn't considered getting a daily requirement of vegetables?'

Hasta manana.

"So what do you plan on accomplishing today?"

'I don't see how you were able to work for so many years. Since you've retired you can't do a thing.'

"When you have to shovel your driveway, stupid weather... When you've paid someone to shovel your driveway, stupid weather..."

How to tell when Winter is really bad...

"You've been listening to the mellow sound of Station EZZZ."

'I appreciate the calmness it would bring, I just have trouble letting go..'

'Have you considered having central heating installed?'

"You didn't tip the paper boy."

"Honestly, Doug, you never want to do anything. . . I swear with you, it's always meh, meh, meh!"

"Wasting time is an important part of living."

'For future reference, just the bottle goes in the chiller.'

'Y'know, I'm glad we kept it small.'

Just chilling out...and you?

'Either you do or you don't - there isn't any 'cooling-off' period!'