Bridal Expert Gifts

'I should have listened to my mother. . . when she said you were immature.'

'Okay.. what the hell.'

"Look! I'm going to be a customer!"

'Your wife says you act like a fool. I thought you said she never pays attention to you.'

"Take your time. Do you see the person who made you wear that dress?"

Hoodies anticipate bride's choice of wedding dress.

"You can't quit my bridal fashion business. It says so in the prenup, I man the non-compete agreement!"

Saleswoman holds mirror up to the backside of the bride's dress

No wonder she's a blushing Bride"

'Do try and look intelligent-here comes my first husband...'

The Uber Wedding Planner: 'Ok, we're almost there...we just need a clarification on the whether the 'till death do us part' clause is meant literally or figuratively.'

"So,what's so important that you want me to give you a couple of hours off work this afternoon?"

'You look lovely, but we need to lengthen your train a bit...'

Bridal, Tuxedo and Speedy Annulment.

'I'll be glad to discuss Pal's itchy skin in my office tomorrow morning, Mrs. Allan!'

Bride getting ready for her wedding.

"You have irritable-spouse syndrome."

"A special offer from the Beatrice Wiggins Marriage Bureau they may be - but I'm afraid it's still bigamy, sir..."

Wedding Invites

Bride and groom cellists

"It's not always a good idea for two contrarians like you to be together."

'You look lovely, but we need to lengthen your train a bit...'

Caution: Bridal Crossing.

"Ahem! Do you need to be somewhere else Miss Pearson?"

'You may not be an ambulance-chaser, but how many divorce lawyers attend every wedding in town?'

What is acrimonious Divorce

'You lent me the money to get married, so it's only fair that you lend me the money to get divorced.'

"Well, my wife would be angry too if I was spending more money on make-up than she was."

'Silly me, I brought the wrong book -- You two just swore an oath of celibacy.'

"Is that true what he says Pauline? That you've unfriended your husband on Facebook?"

"Wedding dresses have just shot up all over the realm!"

"I could use a breath mint after all that coffee. Have you seen them?"

'And Spider, do you take this worthless bitch...'

'Are you sure you've given this marriage a fair chance?'

'You're going to have a honeymoon you'll never forget. . .I've been practising for two years.'