Bridal Expert Gifts

'I should have listened to my mother. . . when she said you were immature.'

'Okay.. what the hell.'

"Look! I'm going to be a customer!"

'Your wife says you act like a fool. I thought you said she never pays attention to you.'

"Take your time. Do you see the person who made you wear that dress?"

Saleswoman holds mirror up to the backside of the bride's dress

Hoodies anticipate bride's choice of wedding dress.

"You can't quit my bridal fashion business. It says so in the prenup, I man the non-compete agreement!"

No wonder she's a blushing Bride"

The Uber Wedding Planner: 'Ok, we're almost there...we just need a clarification on the whether the 'till death do us part' clause is meant literally or figuratively.'

'Do try and look intelligent-here comes my first husband...'

"So,what's so important that you want me to give you a couple of hours off work this afternoon?"

'You look lovely, but we need to lengthen your train a bit...'

'I'll be glad to discuss Pal's itchy skin in my office tomorrow morning, Mrs. Allan!'

Bridal, Tuxedo and Speedy Annulment.

Bride getting ready for her wedding.

"You have irritable-spouse syndrome."

"A special offer from the Beatrice Wiggins Marriage Bureau they may be - but I'm afraid it's still bigamy, sir..."

Wedding Invites

Caution: Bridal Crossing.

'You look lovely, but we need to lengthen your train a bit...'

'You may not be an ambulance-chaser, but how many divorce lawyers attend every wedding in town?'

"Ahem! Do you need to be somewhere else Miss Pearson?"

What is acrimonious Divorce

Bride and groom cellists

"It's not always a good idea for two contrarians like you to be together."

"Wedding dresses have just shot up all over the realm!"

"Is that true what he says Pauline? That you've unfriended your husband on Facebook?"

'Silly me, I brought the wrong book -- You two just swore an oath of celibacy.'

"Well, my wife would be angry too if I was spending more money on make-up than she was."

'You lent me the money to get married, so it's only fair that you lend me the money to get divorced.'

'And Spider, do you take this worthless bitch...'

'They must want cash. They're registered at three banks and two credit unions.'

'Are you sure you've given this marriage a fair chance?'

'You're going to have a honeymoon you'll never forget. . .I've been practising for two years.'