Bridal Humorist Gifts

'Are you sure you've given this marriage a fair chance?'

"Just keep quiet and listen to what we have to say."

"The wedding cake as holy sacrament"

'Okay.. what the hell.'

'I now pronounce you man and wife, you now may kiss you sweet little bachelor butt goodbye.'

'He does.'

',,, and if anyone knows of a reason why these two should not be married, let them storm this castle with pitchforks and torches or forever hold their peace,'

"The yellow spotted green bird, eats its body weight in bugs, and mates once every three years."

'Wait a minute - How do we break a tie?'

'...honestly I just feel like we don't communicate like we used to!'

"Happy anniversary, dear… 'happy wife, happy life!'" "That's because nothing rhymes with 'happy husband.'"

'How about joining us for a soda and pizza after the ceremony?'

'No, but thanks for asking,'

"I do. Have your people contact my people to hammer out the details."

"What's this for poorer stuff?"

'Your wife says you act like a fool. I thought you said she never pays attention to you.'

'...I now pronounce you man and wife, anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.'

"Just a minute, Mister. You're not going out of here looking like that."

"Excuse me, Reverend, but what, exactly, do you have to do to get a drink around here?"

'Well, that's just great...you can part the Red Sea, but you can't open a jar of pickles for me!'

'Either you do or you don't - there isn't any 'cooling-off' period!'

"If anyone has googled reasons that these two should not be married..."

'No, but thanks for asking.'

"Do you think someday we'll look back on this and laugh?"

Odysseus starts regretting his return to Ithaca.

"I see marriage as a verb, he sees it as a triathlon."

'Silly me, I brought the wrong book -- You two just swore an oath of celibacy.'

'Wait a minute -- you haven't said anything about a retirement age.'

"First, I'll read the minutes from your last weddings."

Bride is angry, as she notices that the groom figure on the cake is drunk.

Bride with a ventriloquist's dummy.

'It's true that my wife does forgive and forget - the trouble is that she never forgets what she's forgiven...'

Barry's fear of commitment crops up again.

"Erm, I don't think it meant just before the ceremony!!"

'Doris,do you realize you are destroying a perfectly happy marriage?'