Bridal Humorist Gifts

'Are you sure you've given this marriage a fair chance?'

"Just keep quiet and listen to what we have to say."

'Okay.. what the hell.'

"The wedding cake as holy sacrament"

'Wait a minute - How do we break a tie?'

'He does.'

"The yellow spotted green bird, eats its body weight in bugs, and mates once every three years."

'I now pronounce you man and wife, you now may kiss you sweet little bachelor butt goodbye.'

',,, and if anyone knows of a reason why these two should not be married, let them storm this castle with pitchforks and torches or forever hold their peace,'

'...honestly I just feel like we don't communicate like we used to!'

'How about joining us for a soda and pizza after the ceremony?'

"Happy anniversary, dear… 'happy wife, happy life!'" "That's because nothing rhymes with 'happy husband.'"

'No, but thanks for asking,'

"I do. Have your people contact my people to hammer out the details."

"What's this for poorer stuff?"

"Just a minute, Mister. You're not going out of here looking like that."

'...I now pronounce you man and wife, anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.'

"Excuse me, Reverend, but what, exactly, do you have to do to get a drink around here?"

'Your wife says you act like a fool. I thought you said she never pays attention to you.'

'Well, that's just great...you can part the Red Sea, but you can't open a jar of pickles for me!'

'Either you do or you don't - there isn't any 'cooling-off' period!'

"If anyone has googled reasons that these two should not be married..."

'Silly me, I brought the wrong book -- You two just swore an oath of celibacy.'

"I see marriage as a verb, he sees it as a triathlon."

'Wait a minute -- you haven't said anything about a retirement age.'

Odysseus starts regretting his return to Ithaca.

"Do you think someday we'll look back on this and laugh?"

'No, but thanks for asking.'

"First, I'll read the minutes from your last weddings."

Bride is angry, as she notices that the groom figure on the cake is drunk.

Bride with a ventriloquist's dummy.

'Doris,do you realize you are destroying a perfectly happy marriage?'

"If either of you know any cause or impediment why you should not be married, INCLUDING YouTube CLIPS, declare it now."

'It's true that my wife does forgive and forget - the trouble is that she never forgets what she's forgiven...'

"Erm, I don't think it meant just before the ceremony!!"