Wedding Weary Gifts

"It isn't always all about you, Cindy."

'You know I hate weddings - they remind me that I went through one!'

'Oh my God. I love it!'

Boat wedding.

This is forever... till death do us part...

"Till death us do part? Don't be so bloody morbid!"

'We've postponed the wedding until we come up with something we can do at the ceremony that will become a viral video.'

"Before I say, I do. Just let me run those vows past my best lawyer."

"For an extra charge, your flight can come with angst and insecurity."

"It will be a short service. We’re getting married during half-time."

"He's a terrific photographer but weddings are not his specialty."

"You don't have to say anthing, but anything you do say may later be used in court by a divorce lawyer."

"It's a game where we roll the dice to see which destination wedding we should spend our savings on this year."

'We can't get a divorce... we haven't paid for the wedding.'

"What do you mean 'no way'?"

'He heard the question, Reverend. He's sleeping on it.'

I know it was the biggest moment in your life, but honey - our wedding was six months ago.

"So,what's so important that you want me to give you a couple of hours off work this afternoon?"

"I came here because my podiatrist said he couldn't help me with my cold fee."

'Last seen running away from St. Paul's Church...'

'...and despite DNA predictions of incompatibility...'

Bride getting ready for her wedding.

"They're flight attendants."

"Oops!"

"Do you, Paul Bergerson, take this traffic ticket..."

"You may now begin venting about each other's wedding-prep behavior."

Excess Baggage: Anyone who thinks business travel is glamorous should have a talk with a business traveler.

'Off to pay your last respects,darling?'

"To the nearest barbershop, John."

"And so, by the ventriloquism powers vested in me, I now pronounce you man and wife."

'What will it cost me for you to elope?'

"Whoa! That's a little clingy."

"At least I won't have to jump out of these silly things for a living any more."

Groom climbing up a cake to get to his wife.

"How much worse?"