Wedding Jitters Survivor Gifts

"My camera froze up during the ceremony, but it wasn't a big problem. So did the groom."

"OK, now what?"

Bride is angry, as she notices that the groom figure on the cake is drunk.

"Before I say, I do. Just let me run those vows past my best lawyer."

"It will be a short service. We’re getting married during half-time."

"You don't have to say anthing, but anything you do say may later be used in court by a divorce lawyer."

'We can't get a divorce... we haven't paid for the wedding.'

'Wait a minute - This is getting too close for comfort.'

"It isn't always all about you, Cindy."

"What do you mean 'no way'?"

I know it was the biggest moment in your life, but honey - our wedding was six months ago.

'He heard the question, Reverend. He's sleeping on it.'

"I came here because my podiatrist said he couldn't help me with my cold fee."

'Meet your Uncle Roger, we haven't laid eyes on hide or hair of him since he was best man at our wedding, have we mother?'

'Last seen running away from St. Paul's Church...'

'Hang on a minute! I'm suposed to be the best man.'

'You know I hate weddings - they remind me that I went through one!'

"Whoa! That's a little clingy."

"And so, by the ventriloquism powers vested in me, I now pronounce you man and wife."

"How much worse?"

Sisyphus at a job interview. I see you're very persistent but not much of a multi-tasker.

I love you, Morty, and I do want to get married. I'm just a little worried. What if I feel trapped? What if we fight, or one of us changes, or aliens attack? Aliens? And there's only enough canned food for one of us! Holy commitment phobia.

"And do you John, despite the mountain of statistical evidence showing it ain't gonna happen, promise to stick by your woman?"

'Y'know, I'm glad we kept it small.'

'The groom called to say he can't marry you today. He totally forgot he was in a pool tournament this weekend.'

"Hello, Linda — long time, no see."

'Either you do or you don't - there isn't any 'cooling-off' period!'

"I don't mind getting married for better or for worse as long as it's not a whole lot worse."

'And now, will the best man please come forward with the custard pies?'

'I suppose I'll get married some day - I just don't want to be there when it happens.'

A bride and groom at the altar.

'On second thought, maybe I'll shop around a little first.'

"Does wedding planning have to be this stressful?"

"You've caught me at an awkward time, can I call you back when I'm single?"

'I was driving to my wedding when my GPS recalculated and so did I.'