Wedding Jitters Expert T-Shirts

'Either you do or you don't - there isn't any 'cooling-off' period!'

Speed Dating for Turtles

'Okay.. what the hell.'

"Why did we run out of wine?! I'll tell you why...Mary's son brought 12 of his friends who crashed the wedding party! That's why!"

'You wanted a tractor intead of a wedding car, and our dogs as bridesmaids... so why shouldn't I have one of my cows as best man?'

Bride is angry, as she notices that the groom figure on the cake is drunk.

'In sickness and in health, under affordable health care or unaffordable. . .'

'Who has the rings and prenup?'

"Before I say, I do. Just let me run those vows past my best lawyer."

"You don't have to say anthing, but anything you do say may later be used in court by a divorce lawyer."

'She didn't marry him for his looks or personality - she needed his debts for a tax write-off!'

'Wait a minute - This is getting too close for comfort.'

"It isn't always all about you, Cindy."

Wedding cake figures having marital problems.

"What do you mean 'no way'?"

"Please put the ring on her finger, Mr Stroodel - I'm sure she'll give you a receipt after the service."

'The response is 'I do.' Not 'Whatever she says.''

'He heard the question, Reverend. He's sleeping on it.'

"If anyone thinks the bride could do better, speak now or..."

"I came here because my podiatrist said he couldn't help me with my cold fee."

Dad said that if he's paying for the wedding, he's entitled to a little something.

"Look—let's just get past today, O.K.?"

'Last seen running away from St. Paul's Church...'

'I should have listened to my mother. . . when she said you were immature.'

'You know I hate weddings - they remind me that I went through one!'

"Has anybody seen the groom?"

'I'm practicing carrying you over the threshold for our honeymoon night.'

"Whoa! That's a little clingy."

'What will it cost me for you to elope?'

"And so, by the ventriloquism powers vested in me, I now pronounce you man and wife."

I see they're going for the traditional festivities.

"It's his first day of school!"

"Bert's Bakery? I think there's a pissed-off Bucks Party somewhere, standing around our wedding cake."

Sisyphus at a job interview. I see you're very persistent but not much of a multi-tasker.

I love you, Morty, and I do want to get married. I'm just a little worried. What if I feel trapped? What if we fight, or one of us changes, or aliens attack? Aliens? And there's only enough canned food for one of us! Holy commitment phobia.