Pragmatism Gifts

"The main, unchangeable principal that I use in life is to be pragmatic."

"I don't know if I want to marry, but I would like a combined household income."

'How did the 'I want you all to take a pay cut or leave' strategy go down?'

'It's a zen diaphragm.'

"It's really important to me, as an artist, to make you feel like drinking more than usual so I get hired back."

Eager to get back out but want to limit your exposure? Come to Barry's barbershop, restaurant, gym 'n cinema.

"Will you sign a legally binding contract to get the state involved if you ever decide to leave me?"

'Thanks, but no. It just doesn't add up.'

"I call it the The Power of Positive Pessimism. Knowing full well that most of the things I try almost always end in disaster, yet somehow finding enjoyment in every step of the process. It works for me!"

'The tax and tip I understand, but what's this charge for shipping and handling?'

'The tests are pretty conclusive, Mrs. Kane. It's going to be a brat.'

"Take one of these every 4 hours for the side effects from your prescription."

Hazardous Wastes R Us.

'The good news is that it's only flat at the bottom.'

"Thirty years of accounting and I haven't had one 'happy accident.'"

"Bob's more realistic."

"Do you have anything that declares my undying love, but with a six month get out clause if it doesn't work out!"

Great Expectations - Managing Expectations

"Have a good day at school, and don't worry about the killer virus."

"Remember when we used to worry about him bringing home nits?"

"It's a troubling ethical dilemma."

The Pee and Pray - for today's busy Christian.

"Make the world a better place. If not that, then make lots of money so we can stay above it all."

"Rememeber Son, money can't buy happiness, but it pays for a lot of anti-depressants"

"What this place needs is a hydro-electric dam" "A glass of water would be nice"

Business man at desk, "My family? Hell no, those are my clients"

"Your present state is caused by a hypersensitivity to existentialist thought. I'm recommending mega-doses of pragmatism as a therapeutic counteractive."

'It happens.'

'Do I have to fetch the newspaper? -- Peter Hitchens always leaves a bad taste in my mouth!'

"...He's just freelancing for Mammon!"

Some exercise program - he power walks to snack machine!

"Always remain honest. Failing that, always remain solvent so you can afford a good lawyer."

Tolerate thy neighbour

William James