Pragmatism Prints

"The main, unchangeable principal that I use in life is to be pragmatic."

"I don't know if I want to marry, but I would like a combined household income."

Platitudes for the hopelessly realistic. When life gives you lemons, get a gift receipt.

What would John Dewey say?

'How did the 'I want you all to take a pay cut or leave' strategy go down?'

"It's really important to me, as an artist, to make you feel like drinking more than usual so I get hired back."

'It's a zen diaphragm.'

Eager to get back out but want to limit your exposure? Come to Barry's barbershop, restaurant, gym 'n cinema.

The Clinton Campaign, post-mid-September

'The tax and tip I understand, but what's this charge for shipping and handling?'

"I call it the The Power of Positive Pessimism. Knowing full well that most of the things I try almost always end in disaster, yet somehow finding enjoyment in every step of the process. It works for me!"

"Will you sign a legally binding contract to get the state involved if you ever decide to leave me?"

'Thanks, but no. It just doesn't add up.'

'The tests are pretty conclusive, Mrs. Kane. It's going to be a brat.'

"Take one of these every 4 hours for the side effects from your prescription."

Half full. Optimist. Half empty. Pessimist. Pragmatist.

Hazardous Wastes R Us.

"Thirty years of accounting and I haven't had one 'happy accident.'"

"Bob's more realistic."

With gas prices soaring, many stations have begun posting EMS teams next to their pumps.

'The good news is that it's only flat at the bottom.'

"Do you have anything that declares my undying love, but with a six month get out clause if it doesn't work out!"

Great Expectations - Managing Expectations

"Have a good day at school, and don't worry about the killer virus."

"Remember when we used to worry about him bringing home nits?"

"It's a troubling ethical dilemma."

"Make the world a better place. If not that, then make lots of money so we can stay above it all."

The Pee and Pray - for today's busy Christian.

"Rememeber Son, money can't buy happiness, but it pays for a lot of anti-depressants"

"What this place needs is a hydro-electric dam" "A glass of water would be nice"

Business man at desk, "My family? Hell no, those are my clients"

"Your present state is caused by a hypersensitivity to existentialist thought. I'm recommending mega-doses of pragmatism as a therapeutic counteractive."

'It happens.'

"...He's just freelancing for Mammon!"

'Do I have to fetch the newspaper? -- Peter Hitchens always leaves a bad taste in my mouth!'