Poultry Plot Twists Gifts

'Remember, son. A winner is one who can keep his head while all around him are losing theirs.'

The Rooster Comedian.

"I can assure you ladies all our eggs come from free range chickens."

'Hello, Ebeneezer! It's me - the ghost of coming dinner!'

'I don't think we should have any more eggs Chester. Maybe you should see the vet about having your chicken nuggets removed.'

"Sherlock Combs there said he believes it's an inside job."

'Let's forget the duck de la margola and order something else!' (man seeing duck fleeing from cook).

Suddenly, the line went dead.

"I have a sweet pad and thirteen girlfriends. Can't beat a chicken's life."

"I'm being promoted in the company's pecking order."

"Dayum. She bootylicious."

'Don't worry about retirement Irma: There's more to life than just laying eggs...'

'It might be a satanic cult: Not only did they chop his head off, they're stuffing his body with bread now...'

'Mom said I'd be a late bloomer, but this is ridiculous.'

"And that, son, is where chickens come from."

"Don't be alarmed, Lois, but there appears to be a pop-up thermometer protruding from your right buttock."

'You may want to consider diversifying your portfolio.'

'That's weird, do you smell barbecue sauce, Sarah'

Crowing Rehearsals

"Cross the road and you are one of us brother, but you can never reveal WHY you did it!"

"I don't know what it is, we just look fabulous in Cranberry."

"And don't get me started about being henpecked. Why do you think I crossed the road in the first place?!"

"Have you heard the story of the eggs?. . .Two bad."

"Who was first?"

Factory raised chickens. . .Free range chickens. . . Chickens that crossed the road.

"It's beak-proof. That makes it perfect for the hen-pecked husband."

The attack of the fifty foot chicken.

"I think we need a mission statement."

'I don't know all that much about welding, but I really need to get a job before the end of the month.'