Poultry Pondering Gifts

"Who was first?"

'Don't fall for all that...you should see him first thing in the morning.'

"Actually, it wasn't so bad. One minute I was standing in line at the slaughterhouse...The next thing I knew, I was being basted in my own juices..."

"Shouldn't there be some sort of pecking order around here?"

'Hello, Ebeneezer! It's me - the ghost of coming dinner!'

Chicken Funeral Planning.

"So you found an enormous truffle and still you weren't happy."

"No one can afford to eat us anymore."

'When they start calling you a splendid bird, you know you're in trouble.'

'You think irritable fowl syndrome is bad? Just wait until you hit menopause.'

"Half a dozen brown—three large, three jumbo!"

"OK, I've emptied my mind and cleared my head...what now?"

"Yes, there will be questions but you're unquestionably the nation's most badass mom."

"Let's just agree to disagree." "I suggested that first!"

"Who's next?"

"Don't be alarmed, Lois, but there appears to be a pop-up thermometer protruding from your right buttock."

"And that, son, is where chickens come from."

This could be interesting...

'You may want to consider diversifying your portfolio.'

Square root of chicken is egg.

Which came first, the chicken or the egg?

"Wood-oven-toasted rosemary focaccia or traditional baguette?"

'That's weird, do you smell barbecue sauce, Sarah'

"And don't get me started about being henpecked. Why do you think I crossed the road in the first place?!"

'He's made of polly-ethelene.'

'Oh, girls - someone left something verrry special on the couch.'

"Just between us, I came first, but I shredded the evidence."

"I don't mind being butchered. But I can't stand the thought of my legs going in one box, my breast in another, my wings in another. . ."

'Happy Xmas!'

Wow! — this discredits all my theories.

'Come on girls, can you at least pretend I rule the roost when the farmer is around...'

'Milton, you really did make it to the other side!'