Post-coital Commentator Pillows

'No thanks, I just put one out.'

'I'd like to dedicate this next tune to those who have discovered love, gotten married, and wished desperately for death.'

"I'm Lester Holt, and this, is date night."

"Bob & Sue 2011" "Sued Bob 2011"

"This not the way I envisioned falling in love."

'It isn't supposed to taste good. It's furniture polish.'

"It's a legal document authorizing you to carry out a Do Not Resuscitate order on my behalf, although heaven knows, you have a hard enough time cancelling a magazine subscription."

"Oh, you were on automatic pilot? And what about her? Was she on automatic pilot, too?"

'No, he didn't have any last words,his wife was in there and she did all of the talking right up to the end.'

'There's a NAGGING blog?'

Man in traffic jam watches couple row while eating popcorn.

'So is this your lazy days of summer, or are we still working on spring?'

"I don't see what you see in him."

"I'm a vegan. I don't know what made me order a cheeseburger. Maybe I've got the flesh eating disease."

'So, did your marriage counseling work?', 'It sure did! -- She ran off with the marriage counselor!'

'oh...You're home, just when my spirits were rising.'

"Now who's being judgy?"

'Here's a list of women I want you to stay away from at the party tonight.'

"Yes I know...she just needs a passport!"

'This is a simple proclamation-of-lack-of-interest date.'

'How many husbands have I had? Do you mean excluding my own?'

'Her being multi-lingual has it's drawbacks I'm afraid-she nags me in SIX languages!'

"I did warn you. Mum can take her time warming to a new boyfriend."

"Yes, it was good for me - not as good as it was the last time, but probably better than it's going to be the time after this."

'I'm no good at sports, so I'll just have to settle for a trophy wife.'

"Actually - he's rather your 'Me, Jane ' sort of boy!"

"I liked you better as my first husband."

"And he's caring and honest and gentle..." "I'd do her."

"Check this out - I think the guy behind us just got lucky!"

Elderly spinster commenting on a marriage

"I said I was sorry. No need to bite my head off!"

"These oaths aren't binding all weekend are they?"

"It's over between us Brian. . . as soon as I've announced it on twitter."

'We have separate bedrooms because I snore and because I can't stand the sight of her.'

Bread Winner-Need More Dough